Election Tip #2: Choose Your Candidate

In case you’re still not sure who to vote for in the Presidential Primary, USA Today has an interesting online tool that may help you decide. The “Candidate Match Game” asks a few questions, then gives you a list of presidential hopefuls that match your views. Unfortunately, if you’re like…

Who Would Jesus Vote For? – Barack Obama and Rudolph Giuliani

So far this week Jesus has given his thoughts on some of the weaker candidates in this year’s presidential race. First he dismissed John McCain and John Edwards, then turned his sights on Dennis Kucinich and Ron Paul, and on Thursday, the Carpenter took apart Mitt Romney. Today Jesus has…

Style Soldiers – The Fashion Follies of Old Age

It’s a known fact that elderly folk don’t really care what they put on after a certain age. And honestly, they shouldn’t care, they’re old and tired. Unfortunately, we are the ones that have to suffer. Take this man in pink and purple, for example. Little does he know that…

Cheap Eats – Sara’s Kosher Restaurant

Photo by Tovin Lapan Where: 2214 N.E. 123 Rd. Street, North Miami; Web site: http://www.saraskosherpizza.com/home.html; (305) 891-3312 What $15 Gets You: Sara’s dishes are economically priced across the board, everything from the sandwiches ($6 to $9), to the omelets ($7), and even a 16” cheese pizza ($14) fit the budget…

Call of Duty 4. Now With Less Nazis.

The Call of Duty series has finally moved away from focusing on World War II. Don’t get me wrong it’s a great series but there are only so many times that I can kill Nazis without it getting repetitive (Note: Nazis are still bad). But the new setting has to…

The Party Crasher – Kim Kardashian Hosts Stoli Hotel

With Art Basel long gone and New Year’s Eve ’08 far, far away, Miami party hoppers are always looking for the next-best-thing, especially when it involves an elite crowd and complimentary cocktails. Enter the Stoli Hotel, a two-week party with DJs, fashionistas and celebs, with a crowd of boozers and…

Sushi Advisory

This past October, The New York Times purchased tuna sushi from 20 restaurants and markets in New York City and subjected the samples to laboratory tests. The startling results were reported yesterday: Mercury levels of tuna from Nobu Next Door, Sushi Seki, Sushi of Gari, Blue Ribbon Sushi, and Gourmet…

The Party Crasher – NFL Players Get Loose In B.E.D.

Celebrating the end to a long, rough football season, a handful of notable NFL players headed out way past their curfews to SoBe’s Tuesday night party in B.E.D. An elite crowd of Miami scenesters gathered as the team finally took some time to celebrate life off the field. The beginning…

Miss Flamingo? Speak up Now!

In the summer of 2005, hurricanes Katrina and Wilma laid waste to Flamingo, the only significant commercial hub of Everglades National Park. Recently, the park released a draft of its commercial services plan – the plan for rebuilding Flamingo – and the National Parks Conservation Association (NPCA) is voicing concern…

The Party Crasher – Michael Caine Visits DeVito South Beach

An actual Sir was in town this past weekend, jetting in from England and heading to DeVito South Beach for some grub with the one he loves. Famed actor Sir Michael Caine treated his wife to a romantic dinner in a private DeVito cabana for two. Although Caine’s wife didn’t…

Election Tip #1: Early Voting is Your Friend

I voted this past weekend. It was uneventful, taking all of about five minutes out of my weekend. Here’s the thing: I was the only person in my polling place. The dozen sleepy pollworkers were thrilled to see me, and after hearing the early voting results so far — about…

Who Would Jesus Vote For? – Mitt Romney

In the third installment of our series examining Jesus’ thoughts on the presidential candidates, Our Lord and Savior turns his critical eye toward The Stormin’ Mormon, Mitt Romney. Earlier in the week, Jesus shared his thoughts on John Edwards and John McCain, and Wednesday he weighed in on Dennis Kucinich…

Joe Cool Mystery Solved

As the Coast Guard officers approached the Joe Cool, they should have heard voices. Instead they were greeted with silence.

Hillary Clinton’s Money Man

Last March 31, Miami native Christopher Korge hosted more than 160 guests at his sprawling $2.6-million, seven-bedroom lakeside mansion in Pinecrest. They had paid $4,600 each to hear Korge’s neighbor, music mogul Timbaland, MC the event. By the end of the evening, the lawyer-turned-real-estate-developer had raked in at least $736,000…

Bowles To Be the New Defensive Coordinator?

DallasCowboys.com is saying that Cowboys secondary coach Todd Bowles is expected to be named the Dolphins’ defensive coordinator. Bowles is described as a laid back coach, which is something the players in Dallas apparently liked about him. He was at one point interviewed for the head coaching job when Parcells…

Who Would Jesus Vote For? – Ron Paul and Dennis Kucinich

The Florida Primary on January 29 is fast approaching. Today we continue our series examining Jesus’ thoughts on the candidates, with evaluations of two fringe presidential hopefuls, Dennis Kucinich and Ron Paul. Remember in the patented Crucifix Rating System (CRS)®, a maximum five crosses equals a strenuous holy endorsement…

The Party Crasher – Pamela Does Pangaea

Pamela Anderson partied at Pangaea in the Seminole Paradise at the Hard Rock over the weekend with a few close friends, a drag queen and an animal activist. None other than notorious bed warmer Pamela Anderson was in town this past weekend taking a few days off from her life’s…

Marquez for Mexican Cops: Roger That

Police supervisors in a city in Mexico are translating great works into cop talk in hopes of making the force better communicators and softening their brutish image. A fascinating Washington Post article relates how Gabriel García Márquez’s classic, One Hundred Years of Solitude, was reframed in radio code for the…

Jose Padilla and Super Pimp Arthur Van Moor Suffer

It’s a big day for the South Florida courts today, what with the conviction of superpimp Arthur Vanmoor and sentencing of dirty-bomber, Jose Padilla, to 17 years. Vanmoor, who was profiled by New Times in 2004, once owned 90 percent of the escort businesses listed in the Fort Lauderdale phone…

First Coach to Eventually Get Fired by Parcells is Almost Onboard

Dan Henning has emerged as the leading candidate to land the Dolphins’ offensive coordinator’s job. Henning has held jobs with the Falcons, Redskins and even Don Shula’s Dolphins for a while. Remember those Dolphins teams of 1979-1980? Me neither. Henning was most recently the OC for the Carolina Panthers. Which…

Parcells Wants Trent Green

Here’s a feather in your cap: the new Dolphins front-office wants Trent Green back for 2008. I may not have any NFL front-office experience, but I’m guessing it might not be the best idea to bring back the guy with cat shit for brains that sucked before he got hurt…

Who Would Jesus Vote For? — John Edwards and John McCain

Primary day is only a week away and if you’re like us, before you cast your ballot, you want to know: Who would Jesus vote for? In the first installment of the New Times series delivering JHC’s thoughts on all of the relevant candidates – and some of the irrelevant…