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It was like The Thomas Crown Affair. Except replace Pierce Brosnan’s dashing, adventure-seeking billionaire with an indigent, inept felon from South Miami. Meet Marcus Patmon. “He obviously was somewhat well educated in the art field,” says Kreg D. Kelley, curator of Galerie Lareuse in Washington, D.C., and a victim of…

Two weeks ago, New Times brought you the tale of Steven Robbins versus the Maldonados, Cutler Bay neighbors locked in a bitter battle. The Hatfields and McCoys-style feud included cocked shotguns, alleged racism, and ponytails on big guys. Well, this story isn’t going to do much to resurrect Cutler Bay’s…

Only four things come from those lips: nouns, verbs, 9/11s, and the sweetest sugar kisses. Used to be lipstick was only discussed on Riptide in the Pretty in the City column, but because this is the most insane presidential race of all time ever, “lipstick” is now a bigger political…

via CIF Poehler Oh no! Amy Poehler, the actress arguably responsible for the most laughs on SNL for the past few years, is leaving the show after the election season. Though the eight-months pregnant comedienne has motherhood and a starring role in a spin-off of The Office to look forward…

A new report published today in Cuban Affairs shows that Cuban-American voters in Miami-Dade County still overwhelmingly identify as Republicans. However, as a whole, the community’s view on social issues tend to diverge from the party. The paper cites 2004 numbers that show 68.5 percent of Cuban-American voters in the…

South Florida’s cabbies are inching closer and closer to joining the elite ranks of bomb disposal technicians, 50 Cent’s bodyguards and those insane fishermen from “Deadliest Catch.” There sure don’t seem to be that many jobs more hazardous to your health these days than driving a yellow and black around…

via Dartmouth Perhaps we were a bit hasty this morning in awarding The Herald with the “Pulitzer for coverage of wacky traffic stories that perfectly illustrate the tragicomedy that is life”. The Orlando Sentinel is reporting that a tractor-trailer carrying $182,000 in nickels headed for Miami was involved in a…

Booze and boobs. They just go together, but Miami Beach won’t let their only strip club have a liquor license. The owner plans to sue the city. [Herald] South Florida has the worst inflation in the entire country (that’s economic inflation, not anything else if you’re still caught up in…

Beautiful women of Miami, we’ve got a city jam packed with salons to visit and stores to shop at. And fingers crossed; there will be no weather snafus to tie you to the living room sofa this weekend. So go out and get your pretty on! First stop, Kiehl’s (832…

…or at least I tried to. It has been 8 years since Florida’s shitty little elections system robbed us of ever knowing 100% who truly deserved to be President of the United States.You’d think we’d have straightened this out by now. Not so.Common Cause, a nonpartisan voters watchdog group, released…

We may laugh at the names of Sarah Palin’s children now, but moms everywhere are surely inspired by her knack for unique nomenclature. Luckily the Sarah Palin Baby Name Generator is here to help them in choosing their own wacky kid names. Riptide gave it a test run by plugging…

via wikipedia John McCain was for creating the BlackBerry, before he was against it. John McCain’s stop in Miami today will be known forever as the day the world learned not only that the candidate knows what a BlackBerry is, but that he invented it. And then that he did…

O.J. Simpson: Friendly Kendall family man, storied NFL superstar, and eternal source of courtroom drama. How do you keep getting into all of this legal pain Orenthal James? Not a year goes by where you are not involved in some headline-grabbing shenanigans. If only someone could have put you in…

Frankly, I think the real story here is that this lady is going to sell these shirts.Last night, while leaving the office and coming down from the caffeine and nicotine buzz that gets me through the day, I felt a slight twinge of regret about a post I made earlier…

On Sunday The Miami Herald was one of more than 70 publications that was paid to distribute a DVD of a controversial documentary about radical Islam called Obsession: Radical Islam’s War Against the West. Yesterday, Riptide was concerned that, unlike many papers, The Herald had not printed a story acknowledging…

Washington Mutual got jealous of all the attention Lehman, Merrill and AIG got yesterday. Its credit rating was cut to junk, and the bank may be sold to JPMorgan Chase. [Daily Mail] Yes, these bank failures can effect you. The Lehman Brother’s collapse could have repercussions in the South Florida…

Interama’s centerpiece was to be this ultra-fab thousand-foot tower, accessible only by a movable-walkway through an underwater tunnel. It was one of the most ambitious undertakings in the history of Florida government, and it ended up as a few dozen weathered blueprints hanging on a museum wall. Initially aimed for…

Frankly, I think the real story here is that this lady is going to sell these shirts. Did you see the lead story in today’s Sun-Sentinel local section? Our Broward brother, Bob Norman, sure did, and lawd hammercy is he super-pissed that those words were committed to paper, let alone…

via ABC News In April Doctors at University of Miami/Jackson Memorial Medical Center removed a 12-pound tumor from the face of Lai Thi Dao, a 15-year-old Vietnamese girl. You can see a picture of the tumor here, but be aware that it’s pretty graphic. She appeared before the press today…

Real Clear Politics According to Real Clear Politics’ average of the most reliable polls John McCain currently has a 5 point lead in Florida. InAnd/PollPosition data shows McCain up 8 points, while the best Obama does is tie with McCain in the Fox News/Rasmussen poll. Some poll dorks are still…