News Roundup: Federer Is Out

The two women who got stuck on a thrill ride yesterday at the Miami-Dade County Fair say they’d buckle up and go again, and were pleased with their quick rescue. [CBS4]A local elementary school wants you to have a great spring “breack”! [WSVN]Sports Woah, Roger Federer is out of here,…

Latin America’s Top Ten Lady Drug Smugglers: An Illustrated Guide

Police are after a former beauty queen who’s accused of being the ringleader of a gang of pinups who also work as international drug smugglers. Angie San Clemente Valencia is a bosomy 30-year-old Colombian who’s accused of paying her merry band of strumpets $5,000 for carrying pounds of blow from…

53 Glenn Beck Fans’ Cars Towed From UCF Frat Lot

Normally, we don’t want to pretend we’re in the same state as Orlando, but hats off to these University of Central Florida frat boys who allegedly pulled off an epic prank on tea baggers visiting the school to hear Glenn Beck speak.The Beck fans showed up and saw signs pointing…

FIU Police Department Unprepared for Violent Crime, Says Officer

Last Thursday night, Florida International University football player Kendall Berry was stabbbed to death with a pair of scissors on campus. It doesn’t seem like it could get much worse than that. But an FIU Police officer tells Riptide that students are lucky that the under-equipped and undermanned department was…

Fired Drag Queen Tiny Tina Gets To Play Nurse Again

So it turns out hosting a wet jockeys contest doesn’t make you bad at your job. Ray Fetcho, the South Florida nurse and erstwhile drag queen who was fired from his job earlier this month, has been given his scrubs back.Fetcho, who we blogged about before, used to moonlight as…

News Roundup: Biltmore Worker Calls in Bomb Threat for Day Off

Police are asking for help finding the suspect in a rape case in Brickell. He followed his victim home from Blue Martini in Mary Brickell Village into her apartment building, Axis. So far police have some surveillance video. [CBS4]Over 1400 people showed up for the memorial service for slain FIU football player…

Paul Farmer at Barry: NGOs Aren’t Doing Enough to Help Haitian People

Dr. Paul Farmer, the Nobel-nominated founder of Partners in Health and a world expert on making international aid work, had harsh words yesterday for the hundreds of charities trying to help Haiti recover from January’s earthquake.​”There’s graffiti all over the walls in Port au Prince right now saying, ‘Down with…

Hialeah Has Most Roadkill in the County

Yanael Rodriguez, a shy 24-year-old with a handsome smile, might have the strangest job in Miami-Dade. It’s called being an “animal disposal technician” and it’s a fancy way of saying that you scrape roadkill for a living. There are two county employees who do this full-time, and they are busy…

Ricky Martin Announces He’s Gay, Finally

Today, under increasing scrutiny stemming from allegations that he covered up sexual abuse, the Pope announced that he is, in fact, Catholic. Wait, wait, wrong story… Today, after coming to terms with the fact that he is a wild animal without access to modern plumbing, a bear confirmed, that yes,…

Heat Forward Dorell Wright’s Penis is All Over the Internet

Dorell Wright apparently needs a couple of lessons in the internet and public relations. Internet rule number one: Do not, under any circumstances, put naked pictures of yourself anywhere on the internet unless you don’t mind them getting out. PR rule number one of getting caught up in unflattering, but…

Miami in 14-City Royal Rumble to Host Future Wrestlemanias

Muscly dudes with anger problems and over-the-top personalities duking it out in tight Lycra? Normally in Miami, that results from an argument over premium beach-blanket space on South Beach, but the county sees big money in such activities and is still trying to lure the WWE’s signature Wrestlemania event.Like the…

Miami Heat vs. Toronto Raptors: It’s All About the U

Udonis Haslem will rock your face off. It’s just that simple.Last night, the Heat overcame a 17-point deficit to defeat the visiting Toronto Raptors 97-94. Haslem led the team with 23 points, with the help of some guy named Dwyane Wade. With Wade doing all the heavy lifting for the…