Apparently 140 Characters Is Enough

How do you sum up your day in 140 characters on Twitter? At the 140 Character Conference in New York Tuesday and Wednesday, live, ten-minute speakers spread out from 8 a.m. to 6 p.m. Luckily, there were no mentions of what anyone was eating or how much someone loves Justin…

NFL Draft Live-Blog

Here we go. Live-blogging the NFL Draft. Pretty much like watching the draft with someone as losery as yourself. Only on the Internet! This is the first time the NFL Draft is being held in prime time. Because you’re not buying enough KFC Double Downs for your fat-ass kids, dammit!…

Ten Possibly Immoral Ways the Heat Could Beat the Celtics

​Things aren’t looking too good for our beloved Miami Heat in the playoffs. Especially after their disastrous 106-77 loss to the Celtics Tuesday. Even an inspired performance by Dwyane Wade can’t ensure a win. Yes, we’ll get hometown advantage in tomorrow’s game, but we think it’s time for the Heat to pull out every…

Dick Cheney’s Apocalyptic Endorsement of Marco Rubio

To hear former Vice President Dick Cheney tell it, if Florida voters don’t elect Marco Rubio as our next senator, we’ll soon live in a socialistic hellhole where terrorist attacks are scheduled every hour on the hour. Yes, the scariest vice president in history officially endorsed Rubio today and then took some…

Jennifer Lopez Wants Dolphins to Draft Dan Williams

Jennifer Lopez is a huge Dolphins fan. She pretty much has to be, considering husband Marc Anthony is a minority owner. While promoting her new movie, The Back-up Plan, on The Tonight Show with Jay Leno last night, she made a first-round draft prediction.”We have the 12th pick, you know, so…

Hialeah Students Might Face Charges After Robo-Tripping at School

The 11 students who got high off of Coricidin while at Hialeah Middle School might have already faced the consequences of vomiting, collapsing, and in one case having a seizure in school, but they could face charges. The students, all between ages 13 and 14, will be suspended, according to the school board, and…

Evo Morales Says Eating Chicken May Turn You Gay

Bolivian President Evo Morales, who plays the Larry part in Latin America’s socialist Three Stooges with Castro and Chavez, claims that eating chicken will turn you into an effeminate gay. “The chicken we eat is loaded with female hormones. So, when men eat it, they tend to deviate from their manhood,” said…

Rick Sanchez Doesn’t Understand Volcanoes

Dear CNN,Please refrain from having Rick Sanchez cover natural disasters. We here in South Florida all remember his over-the-top hurricane coverage. Then when covering tsunami warnings for Hawaii he asked, “Nine meters in English is what?” Now, he does not understand volcanoes.While covering that volcano in Iceland, Eyjafjallajokull, he wondered…

Zach Thomas Calls Out Dolphins for Disrespecting Jason Taylor

Jason Taylor deserved better. Certainly better than having to join the Jets. Now his former teammate Zach Thomas, who spent 11 seasons with the Dolphins himself and is Taylor’s brother-in-law, is calling out the front office for their shady and disrespectful handling of the situation.”I’m not trying to be hard…