Dear Mistress, I am a single, good-looking guy. I just moved to Miami Beach, and I can’t find a girlfriend. Women down here don’t have a brain in their head or they’re stuck-up gold diggers. It’s almost as if they expect to see your tax returns and bank statements before…
Did you hear the one about the Chilean miners? Yeah, they hadn’t found that many miners in one place since raiding R. Kelly’s house. Of course, we’re only allowed to joke about being trapped in the earth now that all the victims are safely above ground (and in trouble with…
Flickr See-ming LeeIt’s National Coming Out Day! And with all the recent sad news about gay teens being bullied into suicide, we wanted to remind one and all why it’s great to be gay. Why? Because the last thing this world needs is less gay people. Yes, teen pricks are…
For every Rick Ross, there’s a Rudy Mage. That means a creative professional hustling work in the County of Dade. For Mage, that means running Inked Productions, a graff writer-founded printing company that started out of an efficiency apartment selling “dead rapper tees at the flea.” Now the company does…
Flickr CC JingDianMeinvWho you calling big-boned?A lot of us look like pears. We have thin torsos, wide hips, and thighs that can crack a walnut. That’s because our bodies are full of pears, walnuts, and, on occasion, alright, we’ll admit it, peanut M&Ms. And burritos. For those of us who…
Scared to go the mall? You should be. The threat level now extends beyond the roaming droves of sticky tweens, credit card-sucking price tags, and stomach-churning, food court cuisine. At the Miami International Mall, yes that place in Doral, heathens have taken over the parking lot for the month-long House…
For the past several months I’ve been feeling unrequited love towards a woman that I’ve been good friends with for some time. Despite both of us constantly trying to repair our friendship, I keep slipping off of the wagon and falling for her again. I suspect that the reason why…
MAC Cosmetics is known for their bold colors, haute hues, and edgy looks. Their latest Venomous Villains collection, a years-long Disney collaboration set to launch today, is no different. While most brands would choose to get their inspiration from the bright-eyed, rosy-cheeked princesses, it seems only natural that MAC would…
Not only is the Dalai Lama scheduled to speak at the University of Miami campus in the Gables on Oct. 26, but the City of Coral Gables announced yesterday that they are giving away 500 free tickets to see him. The only catch: you have to live in the Gables…
Sex, love, relationship advice from a professional dominatrix. Got questions? Drop an e-mail to askadomme@miaminewtimes.com, you naughty boys and girls. Read more about Mistress Lera at Notes From a Miami Dominatrix. Dear Mistress Lera, I have a real problem. I am a young female who happens to be, well, a…
Miami’s an expensive city. Whether it’s jacked up parking prices, costly concert tickets, or the Lobster cooked in foie gras and opium at that new restaurant on South Beach (worth every penny in this writer’s opinion), a weekend out on the town will leave you more in debt than our…
File this one in the morbidly ironic and tragic category. James Heselden, who purchased the company that makes Segways–those goofy transports that look like a cross between a unicycle and a circus bike favored by mall cops –died yesterday after apparently riding his suped-up Segway off a cliff and into a…
Flickr CC Richard DrdulSure, you’ve laughed at cyclists’ bulge-hugging Spandex shorts, rolled your eyes when they use the street inches from the sidewalk, and if you’re a certain Latin pop star, you’ve even gotten drunk, hit them, and then driven off with their bike still lodged in your front fender…
Starting in mid-November, Miami Beach will join other cities around the world when the city implements a bike-share program. Basically, you’ll be able to check out a bike at a kiosk for however long you need it, and ride it to any other Miami Beach kiosk to drop it off…
Sex, love, relationship advice from a professional dominatrix. Got questions? Drop an e-mail to askadomme@miaminewtimes.com, you naughty boys and girls. Read more about Mistress Lera at Notes From a Miami Dominatrix.Dear Mistress,I’ve been trying to promote the wonders of getting my salad tossed to my friend who is a little…
Green Machine Tattoos is the slime-green painted shop neighboring a psychic adviser and a lingerie shop between Miami Twice and A&M Comics on Bird Road at 67th Avenue. Owner James Rossi says “The place was already green, so I figured it would be a good name, just call it Green…
There’s a huge chunk of the country that looks at California and tearfully asks, “Why not us? Why can’t they legalize marijuana in our state?” Since the mid ’70s, Big Tobacco has been planning for the widespread legalization of pot. Those evil barons already have all the different brand names,…
Luis Diaz is a Miami artist working in the commercial world of video games, comic books, trading cards, and T-shirts. He is simultaneously in the process of “finding his own voice and doing more personal work.” He calls himself an “illustrator and wannabe fine artist.” Since 2003, he’s produced about…
Sex, love, relationship advice from a professional dominatrix. Got questions? Drop an email to askadomme@miaminewtimes.com, you naughty boys and girls. Read more about Mistress Lera at Notes From a Miami Dominatrix Recently, I found out that this woman, my boyfriend’s best friend, has been talking trash about me behind my…
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[jump] Name: Jordan Occupation: HairstylistDescribe your style: I just like what I likeWhere are you headed tonight? MoonchineHow long have you had your dermal piercing for? A month and a half…
No, it’s OK. They’re friends.Sunday Submission, the coolest fetish party at South Beach’s RokBar, is only a ten days away. We know most of you are aching with anticipation, especially those who are just breaking into this wonderful, yet dark world of BDSM. If you’re shy, but want to know…
