Church Lady Blues

If you grew up watching Saturday Night Live, you’re familiar with the stretch when the show’s popularity went into a free-fall. But right when SNL’s viewer ratings were scraping the bottom of the barrel, new comedians and their characters swooped in and saved the day. One of those saving graces…

Hold the Pretense

Art Basel Miami Beach stormed into town in 2002 and boosted the Magic City’s art prominence and prestige like nothing before. But when it comes to longevity, Basel is still the South Miami Art Festival’s bitch. That’s right — we said it. Celebrating its 39th year, the fest might not…

Master of His Domain

Jerry Seinfeld was in Miami and he didn’t say hello? Hang on there, Uncle Leo. The king of sitcoms will be in town this weekend, and he’ll say a lot more than hello to you if you can nab a pair of the coveted tickets. Seinfeld, who played himself in…

Master of His Domain

Jerry Seinfeld was in Miami and he didn’t say hello? Hang on there, Uncle Leo. The king of sitcoms will be in town this weekend, and he’ll say a lot more than hello to you if you can nab a pair of the coveted tickets. Seinfeld, who played himself in…

Runway Pinups

The Monterey Club is a rockabilly venue loved by music junkies, and now it’ll score with fashionistas when it hosts its second Pin-Up Fashion Show. The bar is decked out with cushy couches and animal-print rugs, and hot rods are lined up out front. But this Friday, the Monterey will…

Love, Honor, and Beret

Quick! Think of the most French thing possible. Did you too come up with Gérard Depardieu? Just saying his name makes us feel as though we’re floating down the Seine, gnawing on a baguette, and making out with Julie Delpy. So it’s fitting that the stocky, lovable Frenchie stars in…

All Cued Up

There aren’t many professional sports where you can simply pony up cash to compete against some of the best players in the world. Actually, there’s none we can think of — besides pool. The names Corey Deuel, Allison Fisher, and Johnny Archer might not mean much to common folk. But…

Classiest Comic Book Movie Ever

Not the best. Not the worst. Just the classiest — Helen Mirren (and Morgan Freeman and John Malkovich and Brian Cox and Richard Dreyfuss) can spruce up any pulp. As far as comic-book adaptations go, though, Red is a little closer to the bright side of so-so — somewhere between,…

The Girl Whose Story We Cannot Follow

When we first see Lisbeth Salander (Noomi Rapace) in The Girl Who Kicked the Hornet’s Nest, the final adaptation of Stieg Larsson’s “Millennium” trilogy, she is being transported to a hospital in Gothenburg, bloodied almost beyond recognition, the result of a bullet put in her brain by Zalachenko, her barbaric…

The Tattoo Chronicles

​No matter how big Kat Von D gets, we know she was nothing before Miami Ink. But, really, we’re not bitter about her decision to go back LA. You win some (LeBron), you lose some (Von D). Actually we’re happy for the tattoo queen who made it mainstream to have…

Hit-and-Run Fun

Miami is no stranger to the hit-and-run, but only once a year does a commotion like this go down — one for contemporary art. For the past eight years, the alternative artist space Locust Projects has hosted Smash & Grab. It is the single biggest fund-drive that fuels innovative exhibitions…

Moved by Moog

Ballet dancers and indie heads often sit on opposite sides of the aisle. But this weekend, they’ll be tempted to mix company when the Miami City Ballet performs The Golden Section, choreographed by Twyla Tharp and scored by David Byrne. A couple of years after founding Talking Heads and a…

Flash No More

Dwyane Wade has long been known ’round these parts as Flash. It was a moniker Shaquille O’Neal bestowed upon him when the Big Diesel signed with the Miami Heat in 2004. At the time, it seemed an appropriate nickname for D-Wade. He was a young, up-and-coming star in the making…

Weapons of Mass Attraction

Screw the Blue Angels. When it comes to air-show cool, the C-17 Globemaster III takes top honors at the Wings Over Homestead Air Show this Saturday and Sunday. Don’t let its girth fool you. This behemoth makes for better watching than its speedy brethren. The C-17 takes off and lands…

Her Maj-Nasty

What does the Queen of Mean look like? Does she have a long and twisted nose complete with a single-haired mole? Does she sit in a tower constructed from the bones of panda cubs, laughing maniacally while stroking a fluffy white cat? Do you envision her consuming that fluffy white…

Driven to Misdeed

Back in the day, we yanked the catalytic converter out of our gas-guzzling Pontiac for extra horsepower. And every time we drive past a pack of those silly, bicycle-riding hippies, we’re glad they’re inhaling our fumes at the most noxious level of toxicity. We love driving, we love driving fast,…

Violence Is All That Matters

When playwright Martin McDonagh set pen to paper for the dirty-mouthed comedy A Behanding in Spokane, he likely began with a character. That character was an old, hard man — a man from whom something had been taken and who meant to rectify the injustice. He was a man whose…

Walking and Talking

Text-based contemporary art exhibitions are not a new phenomenon. Hans Haacke famously queried guests at New York’s MoMA with a poll subversively critiquing the activities of Gov. Nelson Rockefeller (a museum board member). Lawrence Weiner’s typographic texts have been sprawled over locations ranging from the Whitney Museum to our humble…

Satan’s Enchanted Forest

Even the Antichrist loves Santa’s Enchanted Forest at Tropical Park. Hey, switch a couple of letters in the fat man’s name, and you’re talking about the lord of the underworld. Twenty-eight years into Tropical Park’s festival of a million lights, “Let’s go to Santa’s” is still a rallying cry across…

Alice in Dade-land

You can view Lewis Carroll’s classic story Alice in Wonderland through many different lenses. There’s the Disney scope, which renders it an innocent, happily ending tale; the acid-laced goggles that focus on Alice’s trippy hallucinations of grinning cats and anxious white rabbits; and the philosopher’s view, which sees the deep…

Need for Steeds

Navigating the tightrope between the figural and abstract, Susan Rothenberg creates dizzying paintings of animals and humans rendered from quirky perspectives, often in midstride. “Moving in Place,” on view at the Miami Art Museum, marks the artist’s first museum exhibit in more than a decade as well as her South…

Merry-Making at Mansion

Calvin Harris is a chart-topping pop superstar — in the UK. In America, the Scottish singer-songwriter, record producer, and DJ gets a bit of a blank stare. Why? We aren’t sure. With tracks such as “The Girls,” “Acceptable in the ’80s,” and “I’m Not Alone,” he has definitely proved he’s…