My Footwear Game is Tight, Son

Sneaker heads are everywhere these days. You can catch them posted up at your local downtown shops, corner stores, or even confessing their addictions on Tyra Banks’s daytime talk show. If you’re a fiend for sneaks, you need to check out the Battle of the Kicks tonight and the last…

Not-yet-too-damn-Hotlanta

Here’s an indication of how tough the Marlins’ division is going to be this year: Of the six teams in the bigs that won five of their first seven games, half were in the National League East. One of those teams was Florida, and another, Atlanta. Now, there’s still a…

Dinner for Dummies

It’s 7:00 p.m. What’s for dinner? Whaddya got? Herb and butter Rice-a-Roni? Ketchup with the crusty top? A can of tuna from a Hurricane Andrew survival kit? If you were an Iron Chef, someone would yell out “Allez cuisine!” and you would snap into action, concocting dishes like buttery rice…

Outdoor Fun for Everyone

As soon as the sun rises today, sit upright in your bed (or futon), swing your legs around and onto the floor, and get out of the house! Your first stop is Homestead Bayfront Park and Marina (9698 SW 328th St., Homestead) where from 11:00 a.m. to 4:00 p.m. you…

Go Shorty

Now that it’s cool to be environmentally savvy (peep Leonardo DiCaprio’s steez on the cover of this month’s Vanity Fair for inspiration), here’s hoping that more Miamians turn out to celebrate Earth Day this year. There are celebrations taking place all over the city, but unlike the typical outdoorsy weekend…

Makeup Your Mind

With sixteen-dollar eyeliner pencils and $35 compacts, it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out how cosmetics became a multi-billion dollar industry, and no amount of “while supplies last” freebies can conpensate for a lifetime of extravagant spending at the makeup counter. So in an effort to square things…

Architectural Whimsy

When it came to midcentury building, the prevailing mantra was “less is more.” But not for architects like Morris Lapidus, whose concrete flights of fancy (evidenced in gems like the Fontainebleau and Eden Roc hotels) still turn heads near the shore. Under the dynamic eye of such architects, swooping curves,…

Read Into It

Ever heard of a book club? Well apparently there is an extracurricular activity that you can be proud to tell your mother about at the next family gathering (because that last swingers club story was not appropriate at Easter dinner). So this is a group of people that get together…

Keepin’ It Reel

Documentary film has become increasingly popular because of controversial filmmakers like Michael Moore and Morgan Spurlock, and the worldwide acclaim for Al Gore’s An Inconvenient Truth. Films that were once seen as educational (read: boring) are actually making box office bucks and reaping more than dry academic headlines. The artform…

Steppin’ Out

Sure, you get stoked for your Saturday nights. When it comes to stepping out with flair, you’re a pro. But, as any Miami hipster should know, there’s always something new to try. Tonight you can support the arts and frequent an über-exclusive SoBe hotspot, a no-brainer of a package deal…

It’s Only Rock and Roll

Today is 420 and you know what that means: Time to get stoned! And we don’t mean Cheech and Chong-style. Head to Mallory Square tonight for a live concert by Satisfaction, a Rolling Stones cover band. Starting at 8:00 you can watch lead singer Chris LeGrand (a dead ringer for…

Get the Giggles

Something strange is happening on college campuses today. Final exams are next week and the students are burned out. Their eyes are bloodshot, and they all seem to have the giggles. Why aren’t they studying? What in the good Lord’s name is going on? “It’s 420,” says some hippie student…

High Holy Day

Ask an old stoner if they know what 420 is, and you’ll probably get a slack-jawed stare in response. Although the three magic numbers are well known to today’s generation, hippies who toked up in the Sixties and had kids in the Seventies know nothing of the informal international celebration…

Beads, But No Boobs

Have you always wanted to take your kids to Mardi Gras, but worried that it sends the wrong message about drinking, sex, self-respect, growing up, and human life in general? Well, you might be better off with CocoWalk’s free family-oriented Mardi Gras party, which celebrates the complex’s grand reopening this…

Freedom Dancing

Remember about five years ago, when capoeira was the hottest new trend in fitness? Schools popped up everywhere. After tonight the Afro-Brazilian martial art will become the latest thing in modern dance too, when the Miami Light Project presents Idalina at the Carnival Center. The self-defense movements of capoeira were…

Cyber Cupids

Hindsight may teach us valuable lessons, but that’s not much consolation when you’re bawling over an ex. If only you had the foresight to see that the apple of your eye would eventually sprout a worm, turning into a psycho, a cheater, or just a plain old jerk. While you…

Merce-iful MoCA

Modern dance master Merce Cunningham is back in Miami, kicking off the latest exhibition of his work, “Dancing on the Cutting Edge part 2,” for a two-month run. Cunningham is well-known to dance mavens in Miami, having taken up something of a secondary residence here with the Museum of Contemporary…

A Plundered Place

Port Royal was once a mecca for pirates and a haven for debauchery. Then it collapsed into the sea, erasing an infamous part of Jamaica’s coast. Today the city’s remains are a tourist hotspot. “Right now, people go there to eat fish and bammy. Whenever I go, I really cry…

Lily Tomlin Packs Laughs at the Carnival Center

Lily Tomlin opened her set at the Carnival Center last night with a riff on Miami’s notoriously confusing street grid. Brandishing a map, she said, “I’m not saying Miami’s street system is complicated, but it is true that after visiting Miami the creator of Rand-McNally committed suicide,” she said. She…

Let’s All Go to the Movies (By the Bay)

Come on, people! We had our pick of seats, and actually changed our minds and relocated two or three times before the movie started. As the trailer for Ratatouille began, my five-year-old daughter asked me, “Daddy, when are all the people going to come to sit in those seats?” The…

The Heat Take the Division

Miami Heat: Southeast division champs. And yesterday, you said this, Miami Sports Dude: Shaq: Attending his grandfather’s funeral. Udonis Haslem: DNP due to injury. Dwyane Wade: Still rusty. Gary Payton: Torn left calf muscle. James Posey: Shitfaced. Take that. By the way, thank you Mr. Arenas. We couldn’t have done…

Aqua Teen Hunger Force Review Critique for Newspapers

Frylock, Meatwad, and Master Shake — the three Stooges inhabiting Aqua Teen Hunger Force Colon Movie Film for Theaters — will survive should you choose to avoid their movie. Truth be told, you’ve probably never heard of them anyway, unless you’re a regular viewer of Cartoon Network’s Adult Swim programming…