The Future’s So Bright

Ah, the future! A Democrat is in the White House, American troops are home, and athletes are taking pills to help monitor their internal body temperature. The first two might not be written in stone, but the third is definitely on its way, along with a host of other innovations…

Love, This Game

Ladies and gentlemen, grab your neck braces: The 2008 American Tennis Association (ATA) Nationals are about to be in full swing. So yes, that means you will be sitting in the stands trying to keep your eyes on a fuzzy neon green ball flying back and forth across a three-foot-high…

Who Is … Dustin Diamond?

Jeopardy! can be so daunting. We don’t know about you, but all of those questions about geography, world history, and foods that start with the letter q seem impossible to answer. But ask us about wacky celebrity baby names, Eighties one-hit wonders, and reality TV romances, and prepare to have…

Abstract on Abstract

When contrasting worlds collide, marvels or mayhem might ensue. Fortunately it’s all about the marvelous at ArtCenter/South Florida, where the abstract musings of two resident artists are like peas in a pod. “Inherent Connection” features the work of Elsa Carolina Muñoz and Melissa Ruffino, whose pieces have been inspired by…

Life in the Fast Lane

You’re heading south on I-95 when the bright lights of the Magic City appear. Inspired and feeling good behind the wheel of your new cherry red V6 Nissan Altima, you get frisky and your foot gets a little heavy. Just as you’re cruising along thinking, I’m the shit, a group…

Knocking Up a Geisha

Giacomo Puccini’s masterpiece Madame Butterfly was first performed in 1904, which goes to show you that multiculturalism isn’t as new-fangled as you might think. The opera, which will be performed Saturday night at the Colony Theater, is sung in Italian, set in Japan, and features an American leading man and…

Tie Me Up, Tie Me Down

Black leather. Pierced nipples. Corsets and rope. Lots and lots of rope. It doesn’t take a genius to figure out what turns on noted fetish photographer Lochai. His very sensual NSFW website (www.kirinawa.com) drips with images that juxtapose tough against tender, and the delicious friction that can result from unexpected…

Eating and Imbibing

Don’t look now, but another corner of Miami has gotten all classed up in the hopes of becoming the next new downtown destination. If you haven’t cruised along Biscayne Boulevard lately, you might have missed the hot new waterfront restaurants that have opened up. Our current fave is Prime Blue…

The Spice Scene

The culinary scene in Miami increasingly resembles the economic one: there’s no middle class. While plenty of great options exist for poor journalists and A-list movie stars, there’s a dearth of sit-down restaurants that deliver without breaking the bank. Except for right now. Beginning Friday and running through the end…

Hang with Mr. Curry

We love the new millennium, but we miss the Nineties one-dollar gas prices, gaudy fashions, and — most of all — TGIF. The sitcoms that made up ABC’s all-important block of funny changed from time to time, but Hangin’ with Mr. Cooper shone bright for a few years, drawing viewers…

Geeking Out

So you’ve seen The Dark Knight four times in the theater and twice in IMAX. You’ve begun marking off your official Watchmen and Terminator: Salvation calendars for 2009. But until then, what’s a local geek gonna do to while away the summer? We’ve got just the event for you —…

Killin’ ’Em for Condos

According to the Florida Fish and Wildlife Conservation Commission (MyFWC.com), our pine rockland habitat is in poor condition. The rocklands, exclusive to South Florida, are specially adapted to seasonal wildfires and “the lack of soil on the exposed limerock.” Furthermore, these unique and globally imperiled surroundings are associated with the…

Speak on It, Nancy

There’s something about a woman who tells it like it is that really rankles the powers-that-be, especially in the political world. A man can be as biased and ill-informed as he’d like, but let a female politician say the quote-unquote wrong thing, and she gets branded with that five-letter word…

Holistic Happy Hour

This Friday night, take a break from the usual drunken debauchery. Instead of standing in line at a crowded club, relax. Drink Xango Juice, get a Reiki massage, and experience various healing modalities. Also, meet and connect with other creative and health conscious people. The live music starts at 8:00…

Dude, Where Are My Feet?

You like to eat muffin tops and cottage cheese, but you don’t want to look like you have them attached to your waist and thighs. Plus, we need you, loyal reader! If you keel over from clogged arteries, high cholesterol, or plain ol’ laziness, who will read our shit? We’re…

Can You Canoe?

Gas prices, oh, the gas prices. If it weren’t for the oppressive heat and our town’s well-deserved reputation for having the nation’s meanest drivers, we’d be making a purchase at the bicycle shop right now. Instead we’re thinking of buying a canoe. Miami-Dade has lots of canals. Sure, it might…

Slava’s Show is Co-o-o-oold

About 10 p.m. on Tuesday night, to my left TV news anchor Belkys Nerey smiled as her daughter was showered in 10,000 tiny bits of paper. To my right, a dignified Russian woman giggled nonstop as her 70-year-old mom was bonked on the head with a 20-foot diameter, air-pumped ball…

Gen Art Director Monica Glass Leaves Post For LA

Courtesy of Monica Glass Departing Gen Art director Monica Glass and her successor Andrea Aberegg at the Chanel Ready-to-Wear Resort Collection at the Raleigh in May. Since 1993, Gen Art has been organizing art and entertainment events in cities like Chicago, New York and Los Angeles. In 2002, the organization…

Last Night: One-One-Two at Edificio Jose Marti

Jipsy Miami celebrated its 112th birthday Saturday at Edificio Jose Marti. One-One-Two: Miami’s Official Unofficial Surprise Birthday Party July 26, 2008 Edificio Jose Marti Better Than: Any birthday party you’ve ever been to — ever. Okay, with the whole town buzzing about it for months, the party really wasn’t that…

Men Will Be Boys

I haven’t seen much at the movies in the past two years that has given me as much unbridled comic pleasure as the sight of Will Ferrell as the win-at-any-cost NASCAR driver Ricky Bobby, calling on Jesus, Tom Cruise, and Oprah Winfrey to put out the psychosomatic flames engulfing his…

Space Chimps

Dad, which was your favorite part of Space Chimps?” the four-year-old asked the day after a media sneak peek. “Dunno, Harry. Probably the part where Kilowatt lets the giant monster swallow her.” Kilowatt is an alien with a giant, glowing head perched atop a teensy-tiny body; blows high-pitched raspberries when…

Art Capsules

VOOM PORTRAITS Robert Wilson Through August 3. Bass Museum of Art, 2121 Park Ave., Miami Beach; 305-673-7062, www.bassmuseum.org This sensational exhibition features 26 moving images on large-scale HD plasma flat-screens, including celebs such as Isabella Rossellini, Johnny Depp, and Brad Pitt. They also show images of a frog, a panther,…