Je Suis Delusional

It’s difficult to imagine a child who has grown up with Guitar Hero, YouTube, and iTunes wanting to be a rock star. “One day, I want to be drawn on by Perez Hilton” seems like a much more contemporary desire, which makes this Friday night’s opening film at the Romance…

Viva México

A new exhibit at the Lowe Art Museum is a journey through 3,500 years of Mexican history — from sun-baked clay Mayan figurines taken from ancient burial tombs, to a peyote-inspired painting, to an earthenware sculpture of brown-skinned apostles feasting on a last supper of tortillas and watermelon. “Las Artes…

Kitty Coaches Phys. ED (Erectile Dysfunction)

Hello, Kitty: My girlfriend and I have been dating for a year and just recently had sex for the first time. I was expecting it to be a magical moment because our chemistry outside the bedroom is incredible. We were both so excited, but unfortunately something was missing. There were…

Bail Out The International

Tom Tykwer’s The International is one of those movies in which shadowy men meet in parked cars, abandoned buildings, and inconspicuous public spaces (museum galleries are a particular favorite), travel under assumed names, and always glance nervously over their shoulders, fearful of being spied on through a sniper’s lens. Some…

Shiksa v. Jew in Two Lovers

If Joaquin Phoenix, who plays a lovelorn bachelor in James Gray’s Two Lovers, were 12 years old, the movie might make a touching, if not noticeably fresh, romantic drama for tweens. Not that adults don’t nurse unhealthy crushes and regress madly under the pressure of hopeless infatuation, which might be…

The Pink Panther 2

There are maybe two or three laugh-out-loud moments and a handful of chuckles to be culled from Steve Martin’s overlong Pink Panther 2, the latest installment in the lackluster overhaul of Blake Edwards and Peter Sellers’s iconic Pink Panther comedy franchise. That’s as good as it gets. After several of…

A Spoonful of Fun

The day we moved out of our parents’ home, we could have sworn we heard the walls singing, “Hey, hey, hey, goodbye!” Sure, we had thrown a wild party or two during that fabulously raucous blur called high school, and, yeah, Jell-O shots graffiti-ed those stucco bastards more than once,…

What You Want? Baby, They Got It

Some songs shine brightest in the smooshed-together madness of a megamix, but others deserve their own moment in the spotlight. And still others cry out to be played in the wider scope of a complete discography. That’s what R-E-S-P-E-C-T! is all about. Nightlife impresario Joe Budious dreamed up this Sunday…

Will You Sushi-Me?

If an upscale restaurant has hot dogs on the menu, it doesn’t expect you to devour it the way you would at a barbecue — standing up and inhaling bread, mystery meat, and ketchup in one bite. You employ some couth, and you might even use a knife and fork…

Lil Wayne’s media blitz

Apparently, mainstream America is ready for a dreadlocked, face-tattooed half-insane gangsta/nonsense rapper. In a pre-Grammys media blitz, Miami’s adopted loon, Lil Wayne, introduces himself to many very white people by reading David Letterman’s Top Ten list and doing an interview with Katie Couric. He’s come a long way since being…

Art Capsules

Russian Dreams … Through February 8. Bass Museum of Art, 2121 Park Ave., Miami Beach; 305-673-7530, bassmuseum.org. Tuesday through Saturday 10 a.m. to 5 p.m. Sunday 11 a.m. to 5 p.m. This selection of cutting-edge works by contemporary Russian artists explores the evolution of Russian art from pre-Glasnost times to…

To the Victor Go the Spoils

Your average battle-of-the-bands event usually ends with some group winning the equivalent of a decent night working behind the bar. But at the Groove On Battle of the Bands at Gulfstream Park, the lucky winner will fly all expenses paid to New York City to play Live Nation’s Know Music…

Autographs, Billy the Marlin, and Mermaids, Oh My!

It’s that time of year again. Pitchers and catchers are getting ready to report to the field, and the crackling sound of batting cages and leather mitts is upon us. And just like clockwork, the Marlins FanFest is here to get the baseball season rolling. This Saturday the team comes…

Your Religion Can’t Spin Like This

There’s a little-known ancient Turkish ceremony that counts among the few religious rituals entertaining enough to hold the attention of our microwave sensibility. Bending their necks as if trying to watch a crooked TV set and spinning in loose circles around a sheikh, the Whirling Dervishes are truly mesmerizing. Their…

Get Your Artsy Groove Back

From its humble beginnings as a local street show to an event that now draws nearly 50,000 folks from all parts to North Beach’s seaside promenade, the Miami Beach Festival of the Arts has evolved into a rollicking family-friendly affair. Now in its 35th year, it is the oldest arts…

This Teddy Is for Charity

A wise man once asked, “If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?” We say, because love fades; crotchless panties lose only their elastic. And since Victoria and Frederick have the shopping mall market on lock, hit the uber-luxurious Vizcaya Museum and Gardens and witness the first couture undies…

Ne-Yo, Minus the Oracle

No ballad will go unpenned, no pop song allowed to be boring or predictable, and languid dance moves better watch out when Shaffer Chimere Smith is around. The singer/songwriter/producer Smith was given the name Ne-Yo by a colleague who compared his musical wizardry to that of the Matrix trilogy’s hero,…

No Money, No Love

Depending on your relationship status, V-Day can either rock your socks off or make your stomach churn. Whether you’re a single lady looking for someone to put a ring on it, or a well-settled couple in love, it’s hard to deny one essential Valentine’s truth: Enough with the cheap chocolates…

Sonny Had Five Fingers

Actor Chazz Palminteri’s father always told him: “The saddest thing in life is wasted talent,” and even wrote it down for his baby boy to hold onto. Later, when Palminteri got fired from his job as a club doorman and was down to his last $187, he went to his…

We’re Not Scared of Lions, Tigers, and Bears

PT Barnum famously said, “There’s a sucker born every minute,” and according to PETA members and animal lovers, you can find quite a few of those suckers queuing up to buy tickets to quote-unquote traditional circuses. We prefer our three-ringed adventures to involve gravity-defying acts and amusing performances by extraordinarily…

The Inexorable One

For a while, it seemed as if the feisty Charlotte Bobcats just flat-out had the Miami Heat’s number. The Cats had taken down the Heat six times in their previous eight meetings, including a 100-97 win over Miami back in November. So when Charlotte came to town last December, it…

Behold, La Baker

Think back to the days when actresses didn’t need words — they had faces. And Josephine Baker had a face to remember, a body to die for, and enough talent to ensure her name belonged in lights that would never grow dim. They called her “Bronze Venus,” “Black Pearl,” and…