Best Comedian 2022 | Carlos Hernandez | Best Restaurants, Bars, Clubs, Music and Stores in Miami | Miami New Times
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Photo by Jay Guzman

Carlos Hernandez's comedy is rooted in the absurdity of living at the tip of the Floridian peninsula. "Hialeah, where you at?" The crowd roars. "Miami Lakes, where you at?" More cheers. "Miami Lakes is, like, pretending to not be Hialeah. 'We're here. There's, like, a little lake over there. It's fine. There's cows. There's no chickens here.'" Then he proclaims, "Doral in the building!" to silence, followed by hysterical laughter. From an outsider's perspective, it might not seem funny at all. But locals know that Miami Lakes residents turn up their noses at their neighbors in Hialeah and that Doralzuela was an industrial park not too long ago. The bilingual comedian regularly holds court at the Miami Improv as well as at comedy nights across the city, so you shouldn't have a problem catching his act in person. If convincing you requires a taste of his material, check out his TikTok (@cahrlol).

Courtesy of Blackbird Ordinary

In a city known for its nightlife, you can bet on Ladies Nights aplenty. But none does it better than Blackbird Ordinary. Every Tuesday night, once the clock strikes 10 p.m., queens get free drinks, from mixed to signature cocktails, until 1 a.m. Their prized sig, "The Blackbird," is a deliciously supple mixture of sweet tea vodka, blackberries, and lemonade. You can pass the time talking with friends, enjoying the live music, or playing board games at the back of the venue. The bar stays open later than most establishments, so you can party until 5 o'clock in the morning, then head to work.

Guillaume Raberin

Karaoke is a beloved pastime around the world, but you don't want to sing your favorite songs at any old hole in the wall. Sweet Caroline Karaoke Bar will help you feel like a sparkly Neil Diamond every night. Unlike the recently popularized Japanese style of karaoke, the venue doesn't offer private rooms, but in our humble view, an audience makes the experience all that much more exciting. One of the best features at Sweet Caroline is the monthly emo party, where you can relive the glory days of bright hair and dark clothes with classic tracks from Evanescence and My Chemical Romance. If you're hoping to score a table, reservations are pretty much a must, but all are welcome to walk in. The bar is open until 4 a.m. Tuesdays through Sundays, with half-off drinks during happy hour (6 to 8 p.m.).

Photo courtesy of Seminole Casino Coconut Creek

This year has been about a return to normalcy, and nothing says Stop telling me what to do, I'm living my best life like stepping back into a casino for some good old-fashioned fun. Seminole Coconut Creek offers everything you need to enjoy a night out at the gamblin' hall, without all the fuss. Smoke-free areas that are actually smoke-free, slots, roulette, and poker rooms. Live music from artists you love but forgot existed — and a decent steakhouse, to boot. Sure, other places advertise some sort of South Beach/gambling fusion, but sometimes you just want to get in and get out with less money in your pocket without all the hoopla.

There are certainly strip clubs where it's the total norm for bored AF-looking gals do an unenthusiastic little ass shake and call it a day. This is not the case at Vixens, in fact, it is never the case. With a tag of "The Sexy Circus" donning its logo, a Vixens outing is a multifaceted, entertaining experience where everyone leaves happy. On a given night, you might see world-renowned DJ Paul Oakenfold in the DJ booth. Or perhaps you'll catch its full-on circus show, with high-flying chicks twirling around on polls, swinging through hoops, or breathing fire. Or maybe it's an average day and you're craving a slice of Sinful Double Chocolate Cake. Whether you're rockin' it in a VIP booth, champagne room, or Vixens' skybox, bring all the bills and prepare for a good time. You'll use 'em and not feel about it.

Best Of Miami®

Best Of Miami®