Hello, humans. Princess Penelope here. I'm a 6-year-young rescue dog with a winning personality and a charming bark. My puppy-dog eyes could melt even the iciest of human hearts. Mama says I'm her wittle baby — and I'm the envy of all the neighborhood canines. Naturally, Mommy's sweetheart gets only the best: home-cooked chow, bedtime stories, rhinestone-studded collars. And when my madre leaves town, I need the highest maintenance money can buy. Luckily, she puts me up at Wynwood's hippest resort, D.O.G., where the happy, gentle staff waits on me hand and foot. My days are chock full of acupuncture, aromatherapy, massage, treadmill workouts, playtime with other pups, and gourmet treats. At night, I sleep on a silk pillow with my favorite stuffed bunny by my side. And I get Skype dates with my mom every afternoon. I take classes, too, for personal enrichment. Soon I'll be a certified therapy dog. Prices range from $18 for a half-day to $30 for a full day, and $180 will get me a week of posh digs so you'll still have plenty of cash to buy me bacon when you get home. Honestly, at D.O.G. I get better treatment than Paris Hilton's pretentious little Chihuahua does on a daily basis. Eat your heart out, Tinkerbell.