It’s Friday and we’re in a gay mood, our gayety buoyed by the fact that we just got wind that “the gays” might be coming back to South Beach. Hooray! And we also can’t help snickering at those NBA don’t-use-the-word-gay commercials although NBA players let loose with gay epithets faster…
Ha! We knew it was just a matter of time until all this Miami Heat hysteria would filter down to our city’s artistic lifeblood and provide a much needed adrenalin shot for the summer doldrums. Actually, we never thought it would. Why would it unless a newly crowned Lebron James,…
No use resisting, this city is going to be silly with basketball talk over the next couple of weeks. Either Miami is going to lift its second NBA title trophy or we are going to be left laughing stock of the entire country who collectively hates the Miami Heat. Even…
Orangutans are the Albert Einsteins of the primate world, even if their coppery hair makes them look like the redheaded stepchildren. They create and use tools to forage for food, break and arrange tree branches to serve as beds, and can hold a scene opposite Clint Eastwood. (See Clyde in…
Miami doesn’t have a top-tier professional soccer team, but don’t be fooled into thinking the world’s game doesn’t resonate with the city’s diverse ethnic underbelly. Haven’t you seen those carpeted mini-soccer fields sprouting up like weeds all over town? The Miami Heat might have three kings, but to the city’s…
The Miami River has rapids? Yeah, that’s right. And before you come with some barb about “black-water rapids” or “sure, it has rapids, every time somebody flushes the toilet,” you better respect the history of Miami’s only legitimate river (OK, even we felt funny about using legitimate). Laugh if you…
That Jason Terry sure has some chutzpah. The Dallas Maverick’s sixth man has a tattoo on his arm of the Larry O’Brien Championship Trophy. Only problem is, neither Terry nor the Dallas Mavericks have ever won that trophy. Of course, they aim to change that starting tonight when they tussle…
Admit it, you thought Chris Bosh lost his mojo when he cut off his Raptor dreadlocks before joining the Miami Heat. Or maybe you scoffed when he demanded to be a bigger part of the team during the regular season struggles. Maybe, you even sided with the Bulls’ Carlos Loser…
Tuesday the Miami Heat will battle the Dallas Mavericks for the second time in five years. While sportscasters debate exactly how LeBron is going to disembowel Dirk Nowitzki, Cultist examines these cities by their cultural sensibilities to uncover the real winner. Riptide already did a good job of telling you…
Just when you thought it was safe to go back in the water…New Times hits you with Michael Miller’s feature “Snuffed”on how shark populations are increasing while fishermen disappear — okay so they’re not being eaten, but still. And as if on cue the Miami Science Museum is hosting its…
You know how you can tell you’re in a relationship? It takes you longer to pick a place to dine out than to actually sit down and eat. “What do you feel like eating?” “Oh, I don’t know. How ’bout you?” “I chose last time.” “No, you didn’t. I did.”…
Is this really 2011? Because parts of Miami still appear segregated. This is especially noticeable in south Coconut Grove, where a black neighborhood sits adjacent to, but completely separated from, both an affluent white neighborhood and a similarly upscale business district. It’s lame, and it shows how far this city…
Remember Miami Vice’s iconic opening with Cigarette boats tearing through Biscayne Bay? Or maybe you recall seeing some DEA agents posed atop sleek go-fast boats after impounding dozens of kilos of Bolivian marching powder (they were the vehicle of choice for the drug trade back in the day). No matter…
Sometimes it’s good to take the high road. Tonight is not one of those times. Sometimes you have to fight insults with insults. So when Joakim “I shouldn’t be making fun of anybody, have you seen my facial hair and hair bun” Noah decided he was going to call a…
Can you imagine what dinner was like at the Wayans household in the 1980s? You probably had Keenen Ivory Wayans doing his Mike Tyson imitation, while Damon developed his Homey the Clown or Men on Film schtick, and then the babies of the family, Shawn and Marlon Wayans, were developing…
When Cultist was in college we drove from Miami to Los Angeles and along the way thought, “God damn, this is a freaking long trip. We’re so bad ass!” But after learning of Mario Renteria’s planned Miami to San Francisco bike trip, we’re currently reassessing how bad ass we really…
There’s nothing like a little porn to get the juices flowing. That would be your creative juices, you sickos. And now that the interminable wait for Exxxotica to slink into town is over, well, let’s just say those juices are flowing like the Miami River, and just as dirty.Proof is…
We watched the Miami Heat castrate the Chicago Bulls from Mike’s Bar at Venetia last night and reveled along with the rest of the city as LeBron, Dwyane, and Udonis took the wind out of the Windy City. But what few might know is that there were Brujeros, voodoo priests,…
Listen, you don’t establish the credibility and following that Cultist has in the community by badmouthing your largest reader demographic. Trust us. We know where our tostadas Cubanas are buttered. And don’t get us wrong, some of our best friends are Cuban. Actually, many of our writers are Cuban. We…
In arguably the most successful comedy family in showbiz history, Keenen Ivory is the big brother, Damon is the most independent, and Shawn and Marlon Wayans are the runts of the litter. After playing inept hoods in Keenen’s 1988 cult classic, I’m Gonna Git You Sucka, the two youngest Wayans…
You won’t need goggles, a snorkel, or swim fins to attend the inaugural Underwater Film Festival this Saturday at the Miami Science Museum (3280 S. Miami Ave., Miami). But we can guarantee you’ll have more fun if you wear them. Actually, you won’t even have to get wet — unless…
Miami is immensely proud of its Cuban A-listers. Andy Garcia, Gloria Estefan, Desi Arnaz, Pitbull, and even Steven Bauer (holla at ¿Qué Pasa, U.S.A.?) still hold a special place in the 305’s heart. So it’s a little odd that we don’t automatically consider Hollywood Latina icon, accomplished musician, and Miss…
