If your New Year’s resolution was not to waste any more of your life on the Miami Dolphins, you’re good to go until at least September. Or maybe you’re really super-interested the underrated free agents the Dolphins sign after April’s NFL Draft — um, no, it’s a lost cause. The Dolphins…
After a 10-2 season, ain’t this the shit?
Come Sunday night, another forgetful Miami Dolphins season will be in the books. This latest edition of Dolphins football is just the most recent in a long line of sub-.500 seasons full of broken promises, crushed hopes, wasted opportunities, and TMZ-ready drama. In short: This season was just about everything…
The Miami Dolphins have officially been eliminated from the NFL playoffs — Merry Christmas! You’ve already known for weeks what the Dolphins were going to get you, though. They aren’t very good at surprises. One of the least likable, most useless, totally unmemorable Dolphins teams will mercifully be laid to rest…
The Miami Hurricanes cleaned up during Wednesday’s first-ever NCAA early signing period. While many of the names of the players who committed to wearing the orange and green next season didn’t surprise, that didn’t make the results any less impressive. What was most impressive, though, was the fact that the…
It’s been a tough year for fans of South Florida sports teams. From Dwyane Wade taking his talents to Cleveland, to the Marlins selling off everything of value, to the Dolphins’ season doomed from the get-go after they lost Ryan Tannehill before training camp even began, it’s been a rough 12 months. If not for the resurgent Miami Hurricanes, this year would have been a total loss.
For a moment in time this past Sunday in Buffalo, it seemed as if the Dolphins had a chance to pull off an amazing comeback. Then Jay Cutler happened. Well, that’s not entirely true: Jay Cutler happened again.
Another day, another Miami Marlins star gone forever. This past Wednesday, Derek Jeter continued gutting his new team by shipping All-Star outfielder Marcell Ozuna to the St. Louis Cardinals for a handful of minor-leaguers and some fresh cans for the office soda machine. As you might have guessed, Marlins fans were not thrilled with the news and are wondering if the last remaining member of the team’s starting outfield, Christian Yelich, might also be on his way out of town.
Being a Miami Marlins fan sucks. It sucks bad. It’s legitimately painful and likely terrible for your health. This week, however, has especially sucked to root for the hometown baseball team.
The Miami Dolphins beat the New England Patriots 27-20 Monday night in undoubtedly Miami’s best performance of the season. Jay Cutler threw three pretty touchdowns. Kenyan Drake looked like a Pro Bowl running back, racking up more than 200 all-purpose yards. And on defense, second-year cornerback Xavien Howard looked like Deion Sanders while picking off Tom Brady twice.
If you would have asked Dolphins fans last season whether the franchise had finally found a head coach they could trust for many years, you would have seen a sea of hands. “Yesssss!” they probably would have said. “Keep Adam Gase for years!” Winning nine of the past 11 games to end your first season on the job tends to move your approval rate upward. Dolphins fans, and management, were quite happy with the man leading their football team.
Just when you thought it was safe to go back to the ballpark, Derek Jeter and the Miami Marlins’ new ownership team have seemingly gone out of their way to make sure fans still feel like they are fans of the Marlins.
If you told Miami Hurricanes fans in July their team would go 10-2 and play in the Orange Bowl, people would have wondered what was in the oil in your vape pen. Sure, there were high hopes for the Canes coming into this season, but that sort of success seemed at least a year away.
The Miami Hurricanes got their asses handed to them in Saturday night’s ACC championship game versus the Clemson Tigers. Then, after the game, the Canes caught some serious shade from the South Carolina powerhouse. Miami’s 38-3 loss somehow doesn’t really reflect just how soundly the Canes were outmatched in the biggest game of their season.
On October 24, 2015, the Miami Hurricanes’ program hit rock bottom. Clemson came to Miami and delivered an unimaginable 58-0 ass-beating to the Hurricanes that sent head coach Al Golden to Detroit to coach tight ends for the Lions, and Mark Richt to Miami to begin a complete rebuild of a once-storied football program.
This past weekend’s disappointing loss to Pittsburgh notwithstanding, 2017 has been one helluva storybook joyride for Miami Hurricanes fans. They’ve experienced a worst-to-first swing of emotions this year. Thanks to the new world order installed by head football coach Mark Richt and defensive coordinator Manny Diaz’s ingenious turnover chain, the Canes are back on top of the college football world and the talk of sports fans everywhere.
On Sunday, Miami Dolphins fans were treated to a fifth straight loss, this time an embarrassing, 35-17 bore-fest with the hated New England Patriots. On Monday, Dolphins fans are being treated to a free Frosty. Seems like a fair trade, to be honest.
One. More. Win. That’s all the University of Miami Hurricanes football team needs to complete a perfect 11-0 regular season. If the Canes can stiff-arm and sidestep a seemingly inferior 4-5 Pittsburgh Panthers team on the road today, they’ll head into the Atlantic Coast Conference Championship Game…
The Miami Hurricanes are 10-0. They’re locked into their first appearance in the Atlantic Coast Conference Championship Game, where they’ll take on the Clemson Tigers at Charlotte’s Bank of America Stadium December 2. And if the Canes can win four more games in a row, they’ll be national champions for the sixth time.
Here lies the 2017 Miami Dolphins season, gone far too soon. It is likely to be survived by Adam Gase, a coach who refuses to shoulder any of the team’s losses; Mike Tannenbaum, a general manager you wouldn’t trust balancing your checkbook; and Stephen Ross, an owner who is good at building world-class things as long as they aren’t football organizations.
Wynwood brewery J. Wakefield Brewing is working on rushing out its new Turnover IPA in the hopes it will be ready to hit Canes fans’ lips in time for their team’s bowl game. The beer is named for the chunky gold necklace that Canes coaches award players on the sideline after they record turnovers.
The University of Miami Hurricanes are back on top of the college football world, and their return to dominance has, predictably, brought back the haters. A very wise man once said that with great power comes great responsibility. The responsibility that comes with kicking opponents’ asses every Saturday is that Miami must once again play the role of college football’s professional wrestling heel.
