The Dolphins lost to the Ravens 26-23 yesterday after kicker Justin Tucker put the Ravens ahead for good on a 44-yard field goal with 1:42 left to go. The Dolphins had a final chance to at least tie the game thanks to some crazy heroics by quarterback Ryan Tannehill to…

After a humbling loss to the Saints, how will the Dolphins bounce back? What can they do? Who do they want to be? Are they better than what that performance delineated? Are they worse than what their record tells us? The season will answer these questions with unforgiving evidence. The…

Well, that fucking sucked. The fiery blaze you witnessed last night — descending unto the Earth with inestimable velocity and indiscriminate violence — was not the meteor that yielded the Chicxulub crater, but that previously sweet Dolphins high you were nursing. The Dolphins came into New Orleans feelin’ pretty damn…

Your Miami Dolphins enter tonight’s showdown between two 3-0 teams primed for an opportunity to show the world these are not the same old Dolphins limping into a primetime NFL matchup only to play like a paper bag full of shit. No, these Dolphins are coming into the Big Easy…

For much of the game yesterday, the Falcons bruised, battered and manhandled the Dolphins along the line of scrimmage, and there was the sense that this Dolphins game would end like so many others we’ve witnessed in the last decade or so: with a loud, wet fart heard for miles…

The Dolphins are now 2-0 for only the second time in a decade, and optimism about the team is all over the place. RYAN TANNEHILL WAS BORN FROM THE BLOOD OF JESUS CHRIST! JOE PHILBIN FINALLY NABBED THOSE RASCALLY KIDS — WATCH OUT, WORLD! COCKCAKES = SUPER BOWL! BRIAN HARTLINE…

On the final drive of Sunday’s victory over the Andrew Luck-led Colts, there was that creeping feeling the NFL’s newest comeback kid would do the thing Dolphins fans are so used to seeing: snatch victory from the jaws of defeat by putting a big ol’ dunce hat on the Dolphins…

Unbelievably, the Dolphins won their season opener for the first time since 2007 last Sunday. EHRRR MERR GERRRSH! The defense was stout, Ryan Tannehill seemed to elevate his game (especially on 3thirdrd downs), Mike Wallace was already being considered as trade bait for his belly-aching postgame and Michael Egnew cried…

Before yesterday, the Dolphins had been 1-6 in season openers dating back to 2006 — but lucky for them, the Browns had been a more dismal 1-12 in season openers dating back to their second go-around as a franchise in 1999. The Dolphins took advantage of this by whoopin’ some…

Welp. At least those uniforms really pop in HD!!! Coach Joe Philbin and company were supposed to go out and show the world that the New Look Dolphins were not just about a new logo that looks like a whale penis and some flashy clothes that would make a World…

With the NFL’s annual tradition of wealthy, white-haired men selecting young, able-bodied (mostly) black men to perform physical endeavors for comparatively negligible pay aimed at aggrandizing the wealthy men’s financial station, we’re taking a look at who the Dolphins SHOULD pick — and how they’ll inevitably fuck that up –…

The NFL’s free-agency period begins this Tuesday, March 12, and your Miami Dolphins — with about $36 million in cap space — are poised for one of the biggest offseasons in franchise history. Naturally, there’s a good chance they’ll fuck it up, but here are the five free agents the…

The Super Bowl is here again and – will you look at that – the Dolphins weren’t even close to it again! This is the 29th year in a row since the Dolphins were in the championship round and here we are: Watching two teams better than our own team…

During shootaround prior to last night’s game, Brooklyn’s pedestrian, no-rings, Dopey-headed fool of a starting power forward, Reggie Evans, ran off his mouth about how the Heat’s championship “didn’t count” because of the lockout and how LeBron James was no different then a lot of other players in the league.Then…

We cool now, Heat fans? LeBron and Wade came into the Staples Center last night, dropped their shorts and proceeded to Danza-slap every Lakers player, coach and fan in attendance with a 99-90 victory that was ALL D-Wade and Cobradick.The Heat were the real stars in attendance despite the presence…

Now that we’re firmly entrenched in another playoff season without the Miami Dolphins and the pain of Stephen Ross’s absurd season-ending press conference on Monday has faded, it’s the perfect time for a cold, hard, slightly inebriated look back at the 2012 season.Ultimately, it was yet another disappointing year as…

Before last night’s game, LeBron James said the Heat would ‘be ready’ to face a Pacers team that had done a ton of trash talking against the Heat dating back to last year’s Eastern Conference Semifinals when the Heat started that series down 2-1. Then the Pacers came out and…

Sunday’s action featured the incredible story of an extraordinary athlete’s return from a horrific injury to come back against all odds, put his team on his back and lead that now playoff-bound team to victory just as the hero himself nearly broke one of the most coveted records in NFL…

The Miami Dolphins trounced the Bills yesterday behind a 3 TD day from Reggie “LaMontelle Pussyhammer” Bush, a balls-up performance from Reshad Jones and an efficient day from Ryan Tannehill that saw the rookie join the 3,000-yard club for the season. However, a few hours later the Fins found out…

Last week, the Dolphins managed to put their season on life support with a strong performance against a terrible Jags team. With a 6-8 record, the Dolphins have a roughly .0000000000081% chance of getting into the playoffs if certain scenarios play out. JOY!…

Oh hooray! The Dolphins beat a pathetic two-win team to prolong our chances for an evenly average season. Fantastic. Ryan Tannehill played flawlessly, Reggie Bush threw down his anaconda sexual organ and the Dolphins trampled a pathetic Jaguars team 24-3. Woooooooooooo!…

Ah, the Battle for Florida.Former Dolphin Chad ‘The Robot’ Henne vs. Ryan ‘Tanny Boyeee’ Tannehill! Revenge for 62-7! Vindication for the loud, smelly fart that 2012 has proven to be! A chance to avoid a fourth losing season in five years! Tough-nosed, physical … zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz…