Hello, Kitty My girlfriend and I have a wonderful sex life – or at least I thought we did before last week when she told me that she wants to experiment with a dildo. We already play with feathers and a little light blindfolding, but that’s about as far as…
Call us eat-out-aholics, but our workdays are nothing without the anticipation of biting into an eight-dollar sandwich for lunch. And be honest, you agree that special occasions are meaningless without some chain restaurant serving up huge plates of forgettable cuisine. Never mind the constant disappointment we endure; we have issues!…
Lola Bar couldn’t tame it, and Lounge 16 was too small to satisfy it, but Liquor Lounge handcuffed it for a year, and The Club House was an appropriately raucous fling SpiderPussy tackled with major verve. No matter where its flower decided to open up, this box has been the…
Back in our day, we had to walk 30 miles to school with holes in our shell-toes and a cattle-driving dog nipping at our heels. But once we arrived at our destination, the amazing art, music, and science programs made us forget about the fact that our feet were now…
Some women don’t want you to know their age, while others conceal their shoe size. Some decide to hide their IQ, maybe to fit in or maybe because they adore catching foolish machismo by surprise. But today at the Byron Carlyle Theater (500 71st St., Miami Beach), the women of…
1:26 A.M. I’m at home and my boyfriend is knocking on my front door. He’s been out of town for the past few days so I’m happy to see him – the only problem is that I have another guy over here. Yes, we were doing what you think we’re…
Some stockpile it for a rainy day, but for the record – the Siberian Tiger may be, but pussy is not on the endangered species list. I love a prepared mothafucka, but I’m also a firm believer that the most high has blessed this land with plenty of muff for…
When you hop onto your bicycle with a beer in one hand and an erect middle finger in the other, your friends think you’re nuts. “Watch out for open car doors!” and “Obey traffic lights!” they scream, but your hair is already blowing in the wind. You’re hell on two…
You might have never been to Milan, but you don’t need a passport to appreciate the nuances of Italian eating. We’ve seen you salivate over bowls heaped high with creamy risotto, panini overwrought with fresh veggies and deli meats, and the ultimate decadent dish — layer upon layer upon layer…
Oh, we’ve missed you, lover. Our days and nights haven’t been the same since you left us, and the heavy rainfalls are nothing without the impending doom you add to the mix. Every time we catch a glimpse of an azure tarp flapping in the wind or overhear a generator…
So far you’ve just been trudging through life, taking things one drink at a time, one puff at a time, or even one-night-stand at a time. We applaud your mastery of the art of instant gratification, but we also think it’s high time you came up with some type of…
Sure, it wasn’t the singing and skipping at the beginning of Laverne & Shirley, and it wasn’t a woman crooning “Thank you for being a friend” à la geriatric chick-sitcom Golden Girls, but when the first few chords of that familiar ditty played, we knew the BFFs in our heads…
Hello, Kitty The other night I hooked up with a guy who insisted on wearing extra-large condoms on his medium-sized penis. I had heard about guys doing this before, but this was the first time I saw (and felt it) for myself. The rubber slipped off at least five or…
Dating can be hard, and doing it online is even harder. People lie about their age, send you a 20-year-old picture, or convince you to marry them in exchange for your credit card number (and the security code). But, just as in real life, people always give signs that lead…
Last night marked the beginning of a new type of social experience. There were tons of flashing (flashing) lights (lights) courtesy of a jam-packed media pit, more flat screen TVs than a Best Buy, cocktail prices that make sense and the Miami requisite – celebrities of the silver screen, the…
As the clock nears quittin’ time, some begin to crave the comfort of their La-Z-Boy, while others start salivating for a cocktail to enjoy. And we mean really enjoy, like being able to throw back a glassful of liquor without the burden of the next day’s eight hours of work…
For the past couple of months, your Mondays have been moody, miserable, and muddled. More than once you’ve wondered, Where have my sexy vibes and happy feelings gone? You’ve even found yourself in the midtown area, looking for the cool kids who used to run to the District for a…
We see those nipple tassles tumble out of your blouse when you reach for the Wite-Out at work, but we’re not judging. And that time we overheard you talking dirty into your cell phone, we knew it was just a side effect of your narratophilia, so we didn’t tell anybody…
He wrestled his way into our hearts in 1989, clad in multicolored Hammer pants and a cut-off sweatshirt that was so cropped it made Jennifer Beals blush. He was A.C. Slater, and he always wore a killer smile, premium muscles, and a mini Mexi-fro with a finesse that made you…
God bless America and its long weekends. Sure, we don’t get monthlong “holidays” like our brethren across the pond, but we’ve grown to appreciate the little gifts our government gives us. So what if the entire country is forced to vacation on the same weekend? So what if the laws…
4:32 A.M. One of my best friends just called and asked me if I would sleep with her and her girlfriend – tonight. I’m a guy, so the only real problem with me doing this is that I could quite possibly lose a good friend after all the liquor wears…
Each morning you step out of the shower smelling so fresh and so clean-clean, but if it weren’t for that swipe of Speed Stick, your body would probably end the day on a more funky note. You (or we) are not alone, because even the amazingly beautiful orchid goes through…
