A Hunka Hunka Burning Shrub

In his fleeting 42 years of life, Elvis Presley became the ultimate rock and roll idol. Everyone has a favorite image of Elvis, and there’s a Halloween costume for every personality — whether it’s sneering, gyrating, and truncated at the waist on the Ed Sullivan Show; pouty-lipped in an Army…

How a Dirty Town Gets Clean

Dr. Etti Ben-Zion comes across as a bit of a new-age hippie. During a recent interview, New Times got lost in her mystical jargon. She utters phrases like “You need to feel that your love bucket is filled with golden nectar” and “be the goddess.” It might be tough for…

Moving Pictures

The folks at Miami Beach Cinematheque and locally beloved cineaste Dana Keith know a thing or two about high-quality art films. Keith’s adult life has been dedicated to selecting and screening the best of the best for audiences of local culture hounds. So when we learned just how psyched he…

Her Time Has Come

Your typical PBS news personality is stodgy, dry, and supposedly impartial to the events of the day. It seemed the same couldn’t quite be said of veteran journalist Gwen Ifill. The managing editor of Washington Week, senior correspondent for NewsHour with Jim Lehrer, frequent Meet the Press guest, and national…

Sip Slowly, Then Shake Your Head

Muddy Waters most famously called for someone to “bring me champagne when I’m thirsty, bring me reefer when I want to get high.” But had ol’ Muddy extended the list of intoxicants, he might have included bourbon for when he wanted to sing the blues. There’s something about the combination…

Hey, Young World

Hip-hop magazines and websites love to come up with annual Best Rapper Alive lists. But as the genre nobody ever thought would take it this far progresses, we notice that few folks cast an eye back to celebrate the trailblazers. Allow us to begin with our number one pick for…

Better than HDTV

After eight years of inadvertent tragicomedy at the hands of the malapropism-spewing president of the United States, comedy fans are understandably concerned. What will our joke-tellers amuse us with when our prez is cooler than a polar bear’s toenails? A general survey of the acts performing at the South Beach…

On Your Mark…

Set your alarm for the darkest hours of the morning and prepare to witness a rarely seen Miami spectacle. Beginning at 6:15 a.m., a whole lot of Miamians are about to make their New Year’s resolutions come to life. That’s right — this Sunday is the ING Miami Marathon, and…

The Lion Sleeps Tonight

For those of you who might have seen the billboards around town and wondered, “Wasn’t Cirque du Soleil here like a month ago?” here’s the good news: You’re not crazy. The arguably most famous avant-garde acrobatic troupe just completed a run in downtown Miami, c’est vrai. And now a slightly…

A Gentler Gourmet

The crappy economy is affecting every industry imaginable, most of all the ones that entertain and nourish us. The restaurant industry, from celebrity chefs to busboys, dishwashers, and even food producers and farmers are more than feeling the pinch. Fine establishments in Coral Gables, Coconut Grove, downtown, and Miami Beach…

If “Only the Good Die Young”

Ol’ Billy Joel has been kicking around the music industry for a while — beginning with his Billboard debut in 1973 with a little ditty called “Piano Man” that surely must be tattooed into the brain of every barkeep across these great United States. Since then, Joel had top ten…

Healthful Food Tastes So Good

Pollo Tropical, El Rey de las Fritas, Subs on the Run, Five Guys Burgers and Fries. Those restaurants were the bane of many a Miamian’s existence in 2008. There’s an abundance of unhealthful fast-food joints to be discovered here, and the proof is in the greasy-ass paper bag the cashier…

So You Voted for Change

If you were at the Wyclef and Jay-Z Vote for Change concert or the Obama rally in downtown Miami, you know. Obama fever swept the 305 just as it did across the country (apologies to the folks still rockin’ the McCain/Palin stickers on their cars; you make us giggle in…

Pitch a Tent

We tend to take the great outdoors for granted in South Florida. Maybe it’s that old adage, “You don’t know what you’ve got till it’s gone.” Our winter-dwelling neighbors to the north are quick to slap on a pair of shorts and pack the tent into the minivan as soon…

Wise Words from a Fat Man

Comedian Artie Lange’s memoir is titled Too Fat to Fish, but recently his cohosts on the perennially popular suggested an alternative title: Ticking Time Bomb. Lange is of the breed of comedian who wears his life (and consequently his art) like an oversize cloak. And lately the cloak has been…

We Believe We Can Fly

If only we had a dollar for every time we heard a variation on this sentiment: “Fill-in-the-blanks will change the city!” Or “If there were a few more like so-and-so, downtown Miami would be a cultural and nightlife mecca.” We’re sad to say it, but we calendar editors have seen…

Your Sunday Reading Material, Come to Life

God bless the Gray Lady. In a time of dire news for print media, the New York Times is somehow still going strong, arriving on our doorstep every Sunday morning with a satisfying thwack that promises in-depth political analysis, breaking news, and the good stuff — more arts and culture…

Hey, Hey, Ho, Ho

Of all the shameful, wrong, and all-around unwise decisions that soon-to-be-former POTUS George “Dubya” Bush made in his too-long tenure (and there are so, so many), the Guantánamo Bay Detention Camp has gotta rank among the worst of them. Ever since the center was opened in 2002 to house “enemy…

The Most Wonderful Time of the Year

A friendly and merciful sun peeks out from behind fluffy white clouds. Something ruffles our hair and the leaves. What is that, a breeze? Must be winter in Miami, otherwise known as the best time to live at the end of America’s wang. With the pleasant weather comes all manner…

After the Office

Like John Lee Hooker sang, they call it “Stormy Monday,” but Tuesday is just as bad. Your workweek started out with promise — Cuban coffee and pastelitos in the morning, but somewhere in the sludge and drudgery of the afternoon, the weight of the world came to rest squarely on…

Beverages on the Boulevard

Uva 69 opened up a brave new hope for residents of the beleaguered Biscayne Boulevard. The charming indoor/outdoor bistro aimed to bring alfresco dining to a bustling thoroughfare best known for hosting an overt and brisk black-market trade. But owners Sinhue and Michael Vega aimed even higher, planning to rescue…

Drag On

In the Nineties heyday, no respectable South Beach club was without its queens — statuesque bombshells taking on bouncer duties at the door, bumping and grinding on the dance floor, posing for photographs, or generally showing up and being showered with drink tickets just for being so effing fabulous. The…