Ever walk into an art gallery, see something like a pile of beer cans tied together with piano wire floating in a puddle of soup, and wonder what the fuck is so artful about it? Maybe you’d be more into illustration. It’s what local monkey proliferator Krave describes as “art…
The Grand Funk Railroad song “We’re an American Band” opens with the lines: “Out on the road for forty days/Last night in Little Rock, put me in a haze/Sweet, sweet Connie was doin’ her act/She had the whole show and that’s a natural fact.” A still-active, over-50 groupie, Sweet Connie…
Comedians are usually neurotic, drug-addled, alcoholic hooker-bangers who smoke too much and eat lots of junk food. In other words, they’re just like us, except they’re paid to make our problems sound funny. That’s why terrible comedians are so depressing. Take a person who thinks he has talent, humiliate him…
In the great words of … Wait, who said that, dude? Who said that stuff about the weed? And the music? And how they go together? and how one makes the other better? But they’re both still awesome by themselves? That together they’re like a … What’s that word for…
South Florida’s 21st century dancehall, soca, and hip-hop party scene can be described in one word: Madhouse. That’s the name of the weekly party started on Key Biscayne in the early millennium and keeping the bashment going even today via Friday nights at Opium Hard Rock.The teams behind the movement…
In China, dragons are revered for their potent life force, weather-controlling ability, and iconic graphic value — not to mention their knack for burping red-hot fire. And there’s plenty of evidence such dragon legends were inspired by a very real creature that lurks in our own back yards and sewers:…
Gambling is one of the greatest highlights of football season. Got a dozen bets running every Sunday? Risk your car payment on whether a college quarterback would run or throw his first TD? Trying to decide between the line and the over? Log in to your bookie through your smartphone?…
Green Machine Tattoos is the slime-green painted shop neighboring a psychic adviser and a lingerie shop between Miami Twice and A&M Comics on Bird Road at 67th Avenue. Owner James Rossi says “The place was already green, so I figured it would be a good name, just call it Green…
Luis Diaz is a Miami artist working in the commercial world of video games, comic books, trading cards, and T-shirts. He is simultaneously in the process of “finding his own voice and doing more personal work.” He calls himself an “illustrator and wannabe fine artist.” Since 2003, he’s produced about…
As soon as the Man gets the chance, he’ll sell Biscayne Bay out from under us and use it as a county dump. Imagine old motel mattresses, soaked in the sweat of 10,000 hookers, floating on millions of gallons of trembling fat straight from Miami’s many liposuction clinics. Thick-neck politicos…
Dead rock stars are a dime a dozen. They usually drink themselves to death, overdose on narcotics, crash cars, or get on faulty aircrafts with drunk pilots on drugs who crash cars. But murdered musicians? That’s where it gets gruesome. Check out these 10 tales of death by murder…
Who the F@#k is Eric Cloutier? Where the F@#K is Wynwood?Eric Cloutier first showed up on the New Times radar back during the Wynwood Art Walk of June 2008. He was running Chrome Art Gallery and appeared in a video interview for the blog. Since then we’ve seen him pushing…
If you’ve never sipped top-shelf whiskey next to an ice-white European model chick while looking at a Picasso or discovering Matta, Cundo Bermudez, or Wilfredo Lam, then you haven’t been to Gary Nader Gallery.Nader told us, “I go all over the world and whatever I like that I would like…
SwampDogRobert McKnight at Bakehouse Art Complex studio.”The idea behind my work is like, it’s jazz music, taking elements from all the schools, movements, and -isms of art and being spontaneous in merging them together,” says sculptor artist Robert McKnight, who came up in Kendall, graduated Killian in the late ’60s,…
We’ve been up all night, furiously burning rubber over highways and back roads, derailing dawn’s sunlit offensive. Can you taste the neurons firing? Our synapses crack as sharp as AK bullets. Our quest for speed abuses time and space. Three-o-five is our battle cry; in Dade we trust. Your weak…
Aida Fernandez is staging a hunger strike in a tent on her Hibiscus Farm in the protected wetlands of South Dade near Chekika Park in the Everglades. We found her event through a hand-painted neon sign posted on an electric pole and decided to check it out, cause hey, a…
We don’t necessarily hate cops. Last week, a nice policeman helped us chase a crackhead down Biscayne Boulevard after an incident involving some expensive headphones, a vintage Walkman, and a butter knife. (Hey, they’re sharper than they look.) But as for the cop who gave us that ticket for lewd…
Patrice O’Neal might tell Miami how to perform a sex act called the chicken cutlet. It involves sand, a wet member, and — we’ll let him explain the rest. The 300-pound comic has no shame in his game. He’ll even explain how to introduce golden showers into the relationship. At…
The Original Gangsta wall is at 21st Street at NW 1st Court…
LeBron James, Dwyane Wade, Chris Bosh. Triple word score. The Miami Heat are gonna have Biscayne Boulevard locked up bumper to bumper. The Metrorail, bus, and Metromover are gonna be packed like sardine cans, the parking lot bums are gonna get paid better than we do, and the city’s gonna…
ARTSCAM will take you into the workspaces of artists all over Dade County. This is the first piece in the series.Thread Nectar is a new art collective by Arthur Baute (AKA MXYTSPLYK), Desi Cuevas, and a dude named Sexton. From their headquarters at Biscayne Boulevard’s Omni neighborhood, they plot world…
