Brooke HoganThe RedemptionSoBe EntertainmentYou’ll love Brooke Hogan’s latest, The Redemption, if your taste in music was honed while drunkenly bar hopping on Washington Avenue. The album is about as charming as pole dancing for an ass-grab-happy crowd during Calle Ocho. And it’s as sophisticated as the cover art which would…
Typical Groveites (or Grovinians? Grovitines?) wears shorts and flip flops. They always seem to be walking a dog, clutching a plastic cup, and most likely drive a Mini Cooper. Their typical night’s itinerary usually includes pigging out on fish tacos at Sandbar, purchasing JOB rolling papers at Yucky’s, and eventually…
In a large cylindrical cage, a tiny Asian dancer named April attempts to swing from a black plastic chain. But her red painted toes clumsily catch on the plush, pink carpeting, and she stumbles. As a result, her blond wig shifts to an extremely unnatural position. Flustered, she dangles the…
Back to the Future at the Clevelander
Attention flask fanatics and supporters of small, brown, you-don’t-need-to-know-my-business paper bags; there’s a new BYOB in MIA. The Wynwood Social Club (2501 N.W. 2nd Ave., Miami, across the street from Joey’s) doesn’t serve the sauce but delves out mixers that range from tonic, sparkling water, soda, and Snapples for free…
You can spot her at dawn — a rumpled remnant of a woman making the long, teetering trek down Michigan or Meridian or Collins. She sports raccoon eyes, lacks an earring, and walks in stilettos as if they were six-foot stilts. She emits an unidentifiable stench. Maybe it’s Doritos, cigarettes,…
So, what exactly is a deal breaker? If you ask Peter, an anxious, sniffling, and sharply suited 36-year-old with a prominent mole that floats above his arched left brow, he’ll tell you it’s “a woman with bad breath.” Fair enough. “Or someone who’s taller than five-three… or well, she needs…
At RA Sushi (5829 SW 73rd St.), a South Beach-y black sheep nuzzled within the crevices of the laid-back, pub-heavy South Miami bar scene, it really doesn’t matter what you like. You can tell your server your booze-buds howl for scotch on the rocks, drool for Manhattans, get frisky with…
Tom Azar, former chef de cuisine of Emeril’s in New Orleans (as well as Orlando and Miami Beach), is fixin’ to unmask his debut eatery, Ahnvee, in South Beach either later this month or early in April. The Cajun Creole N’awlins-inspired spot will include an upscale restaurant and an accompanying…
It’s an easy, breezy Tuesday evening at Monty’s (2550 S. Bayshore Dr., Coconut Grove) when Chris, a short, 27-year-old Cuban-American with a handlebar mustache, jitters past a circle-jerk of about 15 middle-age shrimpers hunched over the tiki-thatched patio’s main bar. Their necks are the same color as the pink sunset…
If Dee Adames – Miami’s mohawked winner of the second season of Sheer Genius – could describe herself as any animal, she’d choose a cat. “They’re mysterious and slightly territorial,” she laughs as muted episodes of the Bravo reality show in which she won plays on a flat screen inside…
Corbett’s (12721 S. Dixie Hwy., Pinecrest) is a small, wood-paneled bar in a shopping center next to Suniland Park. Inside, there’s a small circular bar with an island of TV sets. Hanging from the flat-screens are stemware and an inflatable flamingo mounting an inflatable shark. Now that’s what I call…
In 1963, the owner of a four-decade-old South Beach dive called Club Deuce — Harold Schwartz — died. The same hour, Mac Klein’s daughter Zina was born in Miami Beach’s Mount Sinai Hospital. “Everything happens for a reason,” Klein says. He bought the club a few days later. Today its…
Joel McHale loves pussy. And not just the kind that sits in front of a plate of sauce-free spaghetti, but also the kind that belongs to his wife. That way, when it gets stung by a bee in the park while she’s pregnant, he can totally use the story as…
After a hard day of filing my nails, receiving deep tissue massages, and ordering Manolo Blahniks from Neiman Marcus’s online store (THANK GOD for the plummeting economy – sales are faaaabulous), there’s nothing that I like more than grabbing my komodo dragon and baby panda-fur lined purse, driving my Hummer…
With a long plastic tube, a Swiss Army knife, and a highlighter, a six-foot five-inch 19-year-old named Big Fern can produce an apparatus that not only yields euphoria but also has the potential to do something truly miraculous: make a bag of Funyuns taste delicious. “Building a bong is easy,”…
A snow angel of a girl — pretty, brunette, and fair — stands on a stage in hoochie stilettos and a sky-blue thong with ribbonlike straps that knot at her hips. The lighted floor below her shifts in color every few seconds, providing a much-needed glow to BT’s Gentlemen’s Club…
Aaron is a boyishly handsome and topless twentysomething in tight white silver-fringed pants, suspenders, body glitter, and an extravagantly feathered Spartan helmet. “Zeus was a slut,” he says while standing in one of the swirly, manicured gardens of Vizcaya (3251 S. Miami Ave., Miami). “But he was still a leader.”…
James Melgar is a dark and handsome waiter in his early twenties. He is also a speed eater who has devoured 21 ears of sweet corn in eight minutes, modeled in New York, and done extra work in L.A. And he has been sucking down suds since he was 10…
Melissa, a blonde in her late forties who looks like she’s been bitch-slapped by the sun, kneels in a pair of tight Swarovski crystal-studded jeans on a shiny dance floor. As a neon green disco light slices across her nipped (then tucked, Botoxed, and chemically peeled) face, she seductively tugs…
It’s Saturday night during the Wynwood gallery walk when a crowd huddles in front of Artformz Alternative (171 NW 23rd St., Miami), a small red gallery in the heart of the district. Suddenly a piece of fried chicken flies from the back of the mass — T-shirts, fashion mullets, inked…
Joe, a 46-year-old with a silver-flecked black ‘fro and a mouth full of chicken, throws his head back, wipes greasy fingers on his torn blue sleeveless shirt, and busts out a raspy yet solid Jean Stapleton impression of the theme from All in the Family: Boy, the way Glenn Miller…
