he Town Square Neighborhood Development Corporation revealed its plan to transform downtown Miami from the adorably gritty urban pocket it is today into a tourist-friendly strolling path with green spaces around every corner. If it comes to fruition, we’ll all be skipping our way from the new Downtown Museum Park,…

Men think they have a lot of work to do for Valentine’s Day. Little do they know the time and the pain women put in just to get ready for a V-Day date. At least Femme Factory, bringing over 30 beauty, spa and apparel vendors to Grand Central today, is…

Miami Beach has long been known for its aging relics (Art Deco architecture, French Canadian retirees, etc). Doing nothing to change our reputation is the Original Miami Beach Antique Show, bringing 900 antique dealers from 22 countries to the Miami Beach Convention Center Thursday. The largest antique show of its…

When we heard Miami was finally getting its own roller derby league, we breathed a sigh of relief. No more expensive gas bills. No more road trips to Broward. No more searching for a rink among strip malls in the middle of nowhere. Finally, this town has a derby to…

Few things are as flat-out depressing as being single on Valentine’s Day. So don’t be. Hit up Singles Mingle at Bongo’s and find yourself a date. Maybe it’ll be the love of your life. Or maybe not. Look, Valentine’s Day’s coming up fast — now’s no time to be picky…

We generally loathe the Shit [Insert Lame Stereotypes] Say meme. But when it comes to Shit Miami Girls Say … and guys, it’s spot-on. So we were super, super, super excited to see that the crew behind the original is back with Part 2. Check out all the new additions…

They’re snuggly. They’re snooty. They’re hilarious. Is it any wonder our Internet tubes are clogged with cats? They’re like a living, breathing, addictive substance — one huff, and you become a raging Elmyra: “I’m gonna hug you and kiss you and love you forever!”We estimate that for more than a…

This week, Miami’s lucky number is six.Hot on the heels of the city’s ranking as America’s sixth trashiest Spring Break destination, Inside College has ranked the University of Miami at #6 on its list of “most fun” institutions of higher learning in the U.S. — beating out every other Florida…

The accolades just keep on coming, Miami. In an announcement that surprised no one, COED Magazine released its top 10 list of the trashiest spring break destinations in the U.S.A. — and our very own Miami Beach ranks #6.The magazine, which is also known for its daily snapshots of women…

We expected the Republican primary to be a horror show. But we didn’t know it would come to this.If you’re an Internet dweeb (like, uh, this friend we have, yeah, that’s how we know about this stuff), you’ve already heard the legend of Slender Man. He’s an evil shape-shifter that…

The abundance of pythons in the Everglades is old news. (Remember that alligator fight?) But a couple weeks ago, we got news that the pythons in the Everglades can now swim in salt water. And more recently, experts have suggested that the number of mammals in the Everglades — species…

It’s time to bust out those earmuffs, watch out for free-roaming tigers, and start designing your own facial tattoo. Mike Tyson will reportedly be inducted into the WWE Hall of Fame during WrestleMania’s stint at American Airlines Arena in March.The boxer, ear-biter, and bro-comedy scene stealer told TMZ, “I am…

Just because it’s a cliche doesn’t mean it’s not true: Miami’s art scene is killing it right now. And if you want to celebrate our scene as much as we do, then you better get your tickets to Artopia, Miami New Times’ annual fete featuring some of the city’s most…

We’d been obsessively tracking the Republican presidential candidates on the campaign trail for weeks when something strange happened. The words coming out of their mouths started to sound like, well, a joke. From statements at debates to sound bytes on CNN, each politician seemed to be subtly parodying himself. We…

It’s almost like he did it on purpose. In the same week New Times published the results of a weird-crime-off between Florida and Texas (which Florida won, duh), police arrested Tyree Lincoln Smith. The official charge: murder. The freaky details: Dude allegedly killed a man in Connecticut, then ate his…

In the ’50s, we worried about the Cold War; today we’re mostly concerned with wars staged in deserts. The ’50s marked the beginning of the Mad Men era; today we just watch Mad Men on television. A lot of things have changed in the past six decades. But through it…

Attention, readers with spouses, girlfriends, boyfriends, better halves, friends with benefits, and amorous relationships of all sorts: Valentine’s Day is approaching, and you had better be prepared. After all, if the world really does end in 2012, you would want to go out as a caring and thoughtful lover, right?…

Presidential candidates undergo intense scrutiny, from the words they say, to the clothes they wear, to the hair (or lack thereof) they have on their shiny scalps. Reporters leave no stone unturned in seeking for clues to the inner psyches of these candidates, who could become leaders of the free…

You remember John Kerry. He’s the Massachusetts senator, the one with the snooty Yale degree, the hundred-dollar haircuts, and the hoity-toity heiress for a wife. When he ran for president in 2004, Republicans said he was too soft to lead our nation; he was a flip-flopper, a delicate guy with…

Haters will always claim that Miami has no culture. But try telling that to the wide range of arts organizations who are always looking for new talent in the Magic City. We’re inundated with calls for submissions, audition notices, and other offers for cultured folks like yourselves here at Cultist…