Take Me Out

The Miami Marlins’ home opener for the 2013 season finds the Fish up against one of the toughest opponents in the National League East. No, not the Atlanta Braves, who will be in town for the first of a three-game series, but Marlins team owner and bipedal wart Jeffrey Loria…

See? Food!

If there’s one thing sushi lovers can agree upon, it’s that the best way to enjoy the stuff is by cramming as much of it in your mouth hole during a frenzied five-minute battle against decency. Usually, the most dedicated cod gobblers toil without recognition, in basements lit by a…

Get On My Lawn

Games Miamians love: jai alai, sidewalk driving, sketchy-butt-implant roulette, and — particularly in April — golf. Once again, April is Miami Golf Month, a celebration of all things golf during which refusal to participate is punishable by mandatory presence at all Marlins home games. Fortunately, you’ll have plenty of opportunities…

Return of the Heights

Five years ago, In the Heights opened on Broadway. It was nominated for 14 Tony Awards in 2008, won four including Best Musical, and in 2009 won a Pulitzer. But what, In the Heights, have you done for us lately? Five years ago, the economy was booming, Sherman Hemsley was…

We the Sexy Animals

Justin Torres earned his way onto a ton of year-end best-book lists with his 2011 novel, We the Animals. This Thursday at 8 p.m., Torres will read at Books & Books (265 Aragon Ave., Coral Gables) during a free event sponsored by the University of Miami’s creative writing department. It’s…

Whatever Floats Your 3,000 Boats

The Progressive Insurance Miami International Boat Show features 3,000 boats and 2,000 exhibitors. Some of those boats will be given away in a raffle. So what will you do with your free boat? Hit the high seas? About 70 percent of Earth is covered by water, after all. And about…

Spike a Pose

At the Model Beach Volleyball Tournament, there’s something for everyone, not just for those wanting an excuse to stare at nearly nude models getting sweaty. There is that, though, so determined creeps will want to have duct-taped the wrists of their “We’re Number One” foam fingers, lest their urges to…

Homey Might Play Dis

One day, we may learn that all those years of getting batted around by Homey D. Clown caused Tommy Davidson lasting neurological damage, the kind that should lead to congressional commissions on sketch comedy safety. By then, our children, in the back seats of submarines headed up Biscayne Boulevard, will…