Oceans cover nearly three-quarters of the planet’s surface, but some people still don’t have enough places to look at boats. Fortunately, Miami is about to get a bit more boaty. No, we won’t be drowned by rising seas for another decade or so — it’s time again for the Miami…

Finding a lover is quite easy if you lower your standards to someone who looks like a warthog. Warthogs, after all, have been doing it for years. Many romantic lessons can be learned from the animal kingdom. Some are practical (always chew off the head of your lover after he…

The conversation hearts that Vladimir Putin is giving to Russian gays this year equate pedophilia and homosexuality and say things like, “Just leave kids alone, please.” Sad drunks are pouring out their vodka in protest. Sad thrill-seekers are skipping the Russian roulette and resigning themselves to a genetically modified diet…

The Bass Museum of Art is celebrating its 50th Anniversary year and things are off to a strong start with a $75,000 Knight Arts Grant. This is exciting news for art lovers and for the museum’s long-suffering Egyptian mummy, who will no longer need to earn his keep through public…

It used to be that if you wanted to get in a movie, you’d have to ring Marlon Brando’s doorbell and then quickly hide inside a sandwich on his doorstep. From there, it was a waiting game. But now, technological improvements have led to a new kind of filmmaking far…

Isabel Allende has sold more than 57 million books. If you round up, that’s 100 million books, which you could in turn sort of round up to 10 billion books, which would mean you are more likely to be a book by Isabel Allende than a human being. (Just go…

Many Miami drivers are scared to leave their carports as long as the cycling menace is riding loose. But there’s hope. “Bicycles are fragile, especially when they come in contact with a car that weighs an average of 4,000 pounds,” says Giorgio Cerboncini. “The need to have both riders and…

At the Democratic Republic of Beer (501 NE First Ave., Miami) — an autonomous zone that, like Somaliland and Iraqi Kurdistan, has yet to be recognized by the United Nations — the rules list for the Beer Pong Championship Series runs several pages, but you’re not likely to be fed…

Knight Arts Challenge winner Shira Lee Abergel has “always wanted to be a traveling hippie.” But it took meeting a circus family while on a road trip for her to understand want this would actually mean. “The mother was a hand balancer or a stretchy person,” Abergel says. “When I…

You live in Miami, where there is never a shortage of pliant adulterers wading in your swimming pool or, failing that, at least a friendly manatee or two paddling by. So when you hear about a foreign-language film called The Pool, it’s understandable that you would tune out. “Mon dieu,”…

If you like puppets and lynchings, first of all: Shame on you. Second, you should know that one of Mexico’s best-loved bilingual marionette troupes is coming to the Adrienne Arsht Center (1300 Biscayne Blvd., Miami) to combine your terrifying interests in one family-friendly show. Marionetas de la Esquina will return…

It’s been a month since Movember washed down bathroom sinks to the relief of significant others and neighborhood parents everywhere. But the brave men and gender-role-thwarting women of B.O.M.B. (Brotherhood of Mustaches & Beards) are still going strong. At 7 p.m. this Saturday at Tobacco Road (626 S. Miami Ave.,…

Are you the sort of person who feels like the year was a failure if you don’t get a lump of coal in your stocking? Think Santa’s “nice” list is for suckers? Does the thought of a bearded fatty shimmying down your chimney cause your bells to jingle? Then A…

There comes a time in the life of every young man who looks and sounds disturbingly like Freddie Mercury to ask himself the question: Do I grow the mustache? In the case of Pablo Padín, leader of Argentine Queen tribute band Dios Salve a la Reina (God Save the Queen),…