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The Legion Fetish Party: Dildos, Dungeons, and Swine (NSFW)

Cultist unfurled its freak flag and attended the

Legion Fetish Party

held at

Nowhere Lounge

this past Saturday. As with most fetish parties, part of the fun comes from being surrounded by outrageous outfits and even more outrageous behavior. But in the name of serious journalism, we were there solely to observe. Oh, the sacrifices we make for our faithful readers.

We spent most of the night in the spanking room, aka dungeon, which had been set up with spanking tables, restraints, and so on, so revelers could engage in "scenes." Despite the loud music, we did manage to converse with some of our fellow freaks -- and we also discovered that being stuck in a bathroom stall for 45 minutes at a fetish party can be a life-altering experience.

Despite our severe moderate inebriation (serious journalism, remember?), we managed to take copious notes on soggy cocktail napkins in a mission to provide you with an inside look at the Miami fetish party scene. Follow the jump for our notes, culled directly from 100% recyclable materials.

Crossdresser
When you bought your iPhone from this guy at the Apple store, you probably didn't know he was wearing his girlfriend's panties under his uniform. Rowr.

"I'm not a freak, but my gf is."
She's all dolled up and he's in a black tee. Kudos for being supportive. Cute!

Men are Pigs
We get it -- men are swine. Ball gag = apple. We don't know much about this particular fetish, and we'll be damned if we're gonna Google it to find out more.

All Business
Creative! Worked late, no time to get ready, picked up electrical tape from Walgreen's and -- voila! Genius!

Chicks with Dicks
Rock out with your cock out -- you go, girl! (It should be mentioned that our own Legion outfits came with similar packaging.)


Look-a-Like
That can't be him. Can it? But why would Tim Robbins be reprising his role as the Brunch Village Warlord from the season finale of Portlandia at a fetish party in South Beach???

Tim Robbins as the Brunch Village Warlord:

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