Remember when a stabbing was mistaken for performance art during Art Basel last year? Whether that's what makes Miami Art Week fantastic or terrible is up for debate, but what's certain is that Basel and its innumerable satellite fairs — such as Art Miami, Design Miami, and Superfine! — make Miami the center of the contemporary art universe for a few days. You're sure to get a snapshot of painting, photography, sculpture, and everything in between on the cutting edge, plus the opportunity to schmooze with rich art dealers and collectors from all over the world. Thursday through Sunday at various locations throughout Miami-Dade; artbasel.com. Admission varies by event.
From the folks who bring you Sünde comes the launch of a series with underground EDM DJs from all over the United States: U.N.U.M. To add to the Art Week revelry and kick off the new event, more than 20 beatmakers will descend on Miami from cities as wide-ranging as Detroit, San Juan, and San Francisco, as well as Washington, D.C. Fabriclondon resident Terry Francis will headline a night that includes sushi and charity, and a portion of the proceeds will be donated to relief in Puerto Rico. 5 p.m. at Wynwood 5th Ave, 2443 NW Fifth Ave., Miami; wynwood5thave.com. Tickets cost $15 to $20 via residentadvisor.net.
It feels like something has been missing from your life, doesn't it? That's probably because there hasn't been a Bareback Follies show since the summer. Shed the bleakness of this fall and prepare to be fabulous at the show's return and special Art Basel Edition. Performances from Leonid the Magnificent and Amanda Lepore are sure to bring color back to your pallid face. Stick around after the show to rub shoulders (and maybe other things) on the dance floor, with tunes by DJ Cristian Lex. 7:30 p.m. Thursday at El Tucán, 1111 SW First Ave., Miami; 305-535-0065; eltucanmiami.com. Tickets cost $50.
Don't have the big bucks to make it to the Miami Beach Convention Center this week? Just look at the walls — they're literally covered in art in Wynwood, and they've been that way since far before the neighborhood had valet parking up and down NW Second Avenue. Basel House is taking the street-art scene to the nth degree with the Mural Festival, which has invited more 60 artists from all over the world to craft murals right before your very eyes. There will also be free music, craft vendors, and cocktails. Did we mention admission is free? Noon Friday, Saturday, and Sunday at the RC Cola Plant, 550 NW 24th St., Miami; baselhouse.com. Admission is free.
If you've been a fan of the Adrienne Arsht Center's Summer Shorts, here's an early holiday gift: For the first time ever, the cultural nexus is presenting Winter Shorts, eight plays less than ten minutes long with themes for the season. From a 30-year-old who still believes in Santa to a Hanukkah ritual that reveals everyone's limit in believing miracles, the festival covers Thanksgiving to Valentine's Day with heartwarming and hilarious tales the entire family can enjoy. 7:30 p.m. Thursday through December 23 at the Adrienne Arsht Center for the Performing Arts, 1300 Biscayne Blvd., Miami; 305-949-6722; arshtcenter.org. Tickets cost $39 to $54.
"Darwinian Voodoo" might sound like a strange chapter from your sociology textbook, but it's actually a collaboration between Ukrainian artist Mariana Fantich and British artist Dominic Young. The two are opening a pop-up storefront for Miami Art Week that will display a portion of the exhibition "Apex Predator." Pieces include "refurbished" designer items adorned with human teeth, hair, and bones. All items at the conceptual retail store will be for sale, though they might not be appropriate to wear to your next Art Basel party. Noon Thursday through Sunday at 221 NW 23rd St., Miami; fantichandyoung.co.uk. Admission is free.
Cameras and cities have evolved, but street photography remains a fresh and relevant medium deserving of recognition. HistoryMiami has highlighted the subgenre during Art Basel season since 2012 with the Miami Street Photography Festival. Larry Fink, Maggie Steber, and Costa Manos are among this year's featured guests at a show that will exhibit more than 100 photographers, including finalists for the MSPF Street Photography Contest and the Miami Photo Series Competition. A list of the impressive roster of free lectures, book signings, and other events can be found on the festival's website. 10 a.m. Thursday through Sunday at HistoryMiami, 101 W. Flagler St., Miami; 305-375-1492; miamistreetphotographyfestival.org. Admission is free.
Looking at art can be physically taxing. Hive Basel's idea is that your refueling should be as artful as the spectacle you're viewing. The village of liquor and restaurant pop-ups will include bars serving Deep Eddy Vodka, Chivas, Jägermeister, and other spirits, plus a dining hall offering fare from Pinch, Tacos & Tattoos, and China Box, to name just a few. You'll be able to peruse the goodies beginning Thursday and throughout the weekend. 4 p.m. Thursday, 3 p.m. Friday, and noon Saturday and Sunday at Mana Wynwood, 2250 NW Second Ave, Miami; hivewynwood.com. Admission is free.
The Black Archives Historic Lyric Theater is turning 40 this year and celebrating with Soul Basel — four days of music acts, art exhibits, food and art vendors, and tasty drinks. This Thursday, Doug E. Fresh and the Sugarhill Gang will perform at the theater, where your ticket also gets you entry to the "Funky Turns Forty" exhibit. Rickey Smiley will MC the night with the Human Beatbox and the men behind "Rapper's Delight" for a significantly less stuffy approach to your Art Basel weekend. 7 p.m. Thursday at the Historic Lyric Theater, 819 NW Second Ave., Miami; 305-502-3614; bahlt.org. Admission costs $100 to $275.
By the end of this week, you won't need to look at another piece of art for 11 months. But you might have some pent-up energy from suppressing your inner freak in gallery after quiet gallery. That's why F*ck Art Let's Dance is here to let you unleash your plebeian self on the Electric Pickle's dance floor. DJs include Osunlade, Eli Escobar, Tomas C, Will Renuart, Captain Ridiculous, and Masha. 10 p.m. Saturday at the Electric Pickle, 2826 N. Miami Ave., Miami; 305-456-5613; electricpicklemiami.com. Tickets cost $20.
The kitsch, glamor, and sometimes total weirdness of photographer David LaChapelle is mesmerizing. He shoots the most famous of the famous people. He has photographed Miley Cyrus posing as a nude butterfly Jesus. That kind of power, along with the shocking and beautiful nature of his work, made LaChapelle almost as well known as his subjects. He released a new book in two volumes, Good News and Lost + Found, with Taschen and will appear at the company's Lincoln Road store this week to sign copies. The 500 photos include Hillary Clinton, Julian Assange, Tupac Shakur, and David Bowie. It's a cornucopia of pop goodness and a holiday must for your coolest and queerest pals. 6 to 10 p.m. Friday, December 8, at Taschen, 1111 Lincoln Rd., Miami Beach; taschen.com. Admission is free with RSVP via taschen.com/rsvp68; the book costs $69.99.
Senses feeling as dull as a Trump voter? Get thee to the house-music festival Rakastella, hosted by Innervisions and Life and Death. Two stages in Virginia Key Beach Park will offer soul-awakening performances. Nature will surround and inspire, as will environmental art. A vinyl pop-up shop will be a treat for your consumerist side. The stages will feature Ame, Axel Boman, Jennifer Cardini, and many others spinning beats to make your spirits soar. 2 p.m. Saturday at Virginia Key Beach Park, 4020 Virginia Beach Dr., Miami; rakastella.com. Tickets cost $120.
Twenty-plus years later and still "Wu-Tang Clan Ain't Nuthing ta F' Wit." As in, do not even think about effing with Wu-Tang because these guys are still legit AF. The hip multimedia Miami festival III Points is bringing the '90s rap act to Miami as part of its Art Basel Concert Series at the massive Mana warehouse in Wynwood. Expect the room to move with an enthusiastic crowd. The Staten Island rappers have gone on to do myriad other projects — like RZA making movies — but they maintain their superstardom through appearances such as this one. The only thing missing will be ODB, still resting in peace. 9 p.m. Saturday at Mana Wynwood, 318 NW 23rd St., Miami; 305-573-0371; manawynwood.com. Tickets cost $35 to $95 via showclix.com.
Miami is about to get a little gayer with ArTEA. For the second year, the LGBTQ soiree will offer cocktails, networking, and dancing in the back garden of the Superfine! art fair, located at the edge of Wynwood and midtown. A "tea dance" is an afternoon get-together where gay kids and elders can dance and have fun, all paired with affordable artwork. And to add to the appeal of this fun affair, ticket sales support Pridelines, a local safe haven for LGBTQ youth. 8 p.m. Saturday at Superfine!, 56 NE 29th St., Miami; superfine.world/exhibit. Admission costs $22.09.
Art Basel, even when done properly, can be misery. It's exhausting, and you drink too much. You will be dehydrated and overstimulated, and you might even end up grabbing strangers' asses after too many free bar visits — setting the stage for the future end of your art career. But YogaArt Basel at Pérez Art Museum Miami will help you come down from your art-and-substance-induced highs via Zen musical acts, healthy food and drinks, and a chill yoga class. It starts early, so be sure to either stay up late and drink a lot of water or take Friday night off. 9:30 a.m. Saturday at Pérez Art Museum Miami, 1103 Biscayne Blvd., Miami; pamm.org. Admission costs $39.01.
Miami Art Week isn't just for the highfalutin' types. It has spread its wings so wide that it encompasses the whole city and all of its interests. Three blocks in Wynwood this Sunday will be dedicated to Promenade Auto Wynwood, presenting regional "road art" with 66 automobiles on display. They will include vintage classics, art cars, and custom-built badass supercars — a block for each. Admission is free, but the VIP area will offer a lobster lunch for the crustacean-craving ballers who just can't leave that Basel culture behind. 10 a.m. Sunday at 2202 NW First Ct., Miami; facebook.com/miamisupercarrooms. Tickets are free for general admission and cost $150 for a VIP lobster lunch and afternoon tea; visit eventbrite.com.
Leaked documents are very au courant. The Panama Papers in 2016 offered the financial and legal details of offshore accounts — 11.5 million documents, to give you an idea of the scope. Former New Times staffer Jake Bernstein broke the story with the International Consortium of Investigative Journalists, which won the Pulitzer Prize for Explanatory Reporting. The reporter will hit up Books & Books in Coral Gables to push his new book about the Panama Papers, Secrecy World. Get out and learn something. 8 p.m. Monday at Books & Books, 265 Aragon Ave., Coral Gables; booksandbooks.com. Admission is free; the book costs $30.
Do yourself a favor and buy tickets to see Janet Jackson right now. Just do it. This 51-year-old new mom is a freaking gift from God, without all the creepy baggage her talented brother carried. Yes, she will likely honor her late kin with a tearjerker display during her show, and, yes, you will cry. Her South Florida stop marks four months on the road for Miss Jackson (yes, we're nasty) as part of her State of the World Tour. 8 p.m. Monday at the BB&T Center, 2555 NW 136th Ave., Sunrise; thebbtcenter.com. Tickets start at $26.
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Does anyone really want to plan a baby shower? And certainly no one wants to attend them — your guests are just too polite to tell you. So do your friends and family a favor and head to the Biggest Baby Shower Ever. It will offer 80 companies touting baby items you can test while hanging with other expectant parents. Yes, mocktails are on the menu, as are sweets, because, you know, you're knocked up! This is a great opportunity to scale back on all the crap you'll have to return after you realize you don't need bottles because the baby won't get off your breast. 5:30 p.m. Tuesday at Hilton Miami Downtown, 1601 Biscayne Blvd., Miami; bigcitymoms.com. Tickets start at $35.
Miami is welcoming the Museum of Ice Cream. Finally, a museum worth building, right? (Just kidding, art kids.) We love our installations, but when Miami Art Week is over, it'll be nice to cool off in a whimsical pop-up full of Instagram-worthy photo ops, all designed to inspire the happy, swirly feeling of diving mouth-first into a mountain soft serve. The interactive museum will offer a life-size ice-cream sandwich swing set, ice-cream paraphernalia, colossal toys in the shape of ice-cream toppings, a swimming pool filled with rainbow sprinkles, and tons of other sweet diversions. 11 a.m. to 8:30 p.m. Wednesday through January 22, 2018, in the Faena District, 3400 Collins Ave., Miami Beach; 855-258-0719. Tickets cost $38 via museumoficecream.com/miami; children younger than 3 get in free.