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Pukers, Pissers, and Other Bizzare Art Vandals Better Than Maximo Caminero

When Maximo Caminero picked up and dropped one the 16 colored vases in Ai Weiwei's current exhibit at

Perez Art Museum Miami

, he did it as intentional protest. That's called "vandalism," and while

this particular instance of meaningful destruction was stupid

, it was also not very original.

Ah yes, even in the dissenting crowds of the art scene, originals are few and far between. Caminero is not the first man to ruin an ancient artifact, he was not the first to demonstrate disgust through manifested damage. Hell - he wasn't even drunk. Where's the fun in that?

It seems Caminero could learn a trick or two from these vandal champions. (But seriously kids, don't be an asshole. Leave art alone.)

See also: Why Maximo Caminero's Ai Weiwei "Protest" Was Stupid

This American Tourist Broke a 600-Year-Old Sculpture

"Pull my finger" jokes aren't funny, but we just made one anyway. An unfortunately-American tourist was enjoying the sights of a Florentine museum a little too much, and because all U.S. Citizens are trained to respond only to clearly-marked placards and not common sense, he decided it was okay to touch the cultural relic. Giovanni d'Ambrogio's Virgin survived two World Wars, but one evening with an asshole took off a whole finger. Stories like this are the reason liberal patriots cry themselves to sleep.

This Vandal Replaces Shitty Advertisements with Classical Works

This is the coolest form of vandalism imaginable. Sorry ad people, but ads are stupid. No matter how funny your campaign is, you're still using our emotions against us so we'll give some thirsty corporation our hard-earned cash. French artist Lavie makes life a little more authentic, replacing billboards and high-traffic commercial banners with classical works of art. That's both emotionally intriguing and honest. Bravo.

See also: Visitor Smashes Ai Weiwei Vase at PAMM

This Art Student Hated It, So He Puked On It

Jubal Brown was once a 22-year-old art student in Toronto who thought puking on famous works of art would make for a great original series. Brown is almost two decades older now, but he's probably still an ass. In 1996, he happily admitted to stuffing himself on different foods of primary colors three times, and twice he successfully vomited the contents of his colorful stomach all over his targets. He blew chunks of blue Jell-o and cake icing on Mondrian's "Composition in Red, White and Blue." He spat red all over an impressionist piece by Raoul Dufy. Thankfully, he was stopped before puking yellow on a third.

This Lady Got Drunk and Peed on a Painting

Fuck a bro named Caminero, this lady takes the trophy in the "what-were-they-thinking" competition. In 2012, Denver woman Carmen Tisch reportedly "punched, scratched, rubbed her butt on, and peed next to a $30-$40 million Clyfford Still painting." This woman was 36 years old, so college isn't an excuse. Hysterically, sources squabbled about whether she peed on the painting or just near it. We want to know why she punched it. Like, did it try to grab her butt? Was it giving her the stink-eye? Nah, alcoholism isn't funny. Get any loved ones help before they do $10,000 in damages to fine art, or worse, themselves.

This Lady Totally Effed the Restoration of a 100-Year-Old Painting

To end things on a humorous note, check out the hack-job this poor 80-year-old woman did to this 100-year-old painting. The church of Santuario de Misericordia in Borja, Spain, had good intentions when they hired the elderly painter to fix-up the aging work of Elias Garcia Martinez, but alas, she didn't do a very good job. We can't be mad at her though. Here's to hoping God's got a sense of humor.

Send your story tips to Cultist at cultist@miaminewtimes.com.

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Follow Kat Bein on Twitter @KatSaysKill.

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