You've gotta laugh at the Oscars red carpet sometimes. All the stars are out to make a big splash, but unlike the Grammys, none of them want to be too wacky. The Academy takes itself seriously (just ask Sasha Baron Cohen), and on the red carpet, its attendees do the same.
Unfortunately, last night, that meant less entertainment for the rest of us. Perennial fashion risk-takers like Tilda Swinton and Helena Bonham Carter were nowhere to be seen on the red carpet. And while plenty of ladies looked lovely -- holy bombshell, Stacy Keibler -- it kinda seemed like Hollywood had a meeting and decreed that everyone on the red carpet adhere to at least one of a list of trends, like so many pieces of flair.
From heavy bangs to boobs on display, we're breaking down those trends after the jump.
Sweater puppies? Not last night. This year's red carpet was downright boobalicious. Viola Davis' killer green number put the cleavage front and center. J Lo's plunging neckline once again had us wondering whether we were imagining it, or if we really could see her nipples. And a whole host of less-endowed women -- Rooney Mara, Kristen Wiig, Jean Dujardin's wife Alexandra Lamy -- worked some serious breastplate.
When the dresses were busty, they were very, very busty. But when they were not, they were almost prudish. Emma Stone's gown took the word "neckline" literally, tying with a bow at her throat. Shailene Woodley covered her cleavage up with bling. And Anna Faris showed up in head-to-toe sequins, looking like a reptilian, sci-fi-loving cult member from the '80s.
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It's only a matter of time before "shoulder lovers" is the newest freaky sex fetish you're hearing about on the Internet, thanks to Maya Rudolph's and Sandra Bullock's bedazzled shoulder pads. Giuliana Rancic mimicked the look with feathers. And Gwyneth Paltrow wore a pointy-shouldered cape, about which we'd say more if the very thought of Paltrow didn't put us to sleep.
When reporters asked who Tina Fey was wearing, she told them Carolina Herrera. J Lo said Zuhair Murad. But both forgot to mention their hair, which was clearly styled by Cinnabon.
Foreheads are so last season. Rooney Mara's bangs were like a sleek, shiny fortress across her face. Rose Byrne's and Ellie Kemper's fringe was softer by comparison, but that's not saying much. All hail the era of the super bang!