Most Sexual Innuendos in a Potato-Themed Rap and Other World Records You Should Beat

Back in the day, one required genetic superiority to set a world record. Being the fastest man in the world granted you with an air of excellence literally unmatched by all other humans. Today, all you need is the ability to think of dumb shit you can do and put forth marginal effort.

Have you ever thought, "how many gloves can I fit in the glove compartment of a Toyota Prius?" Well, you should have, because that's as real of a record as "Fastest Time to Run Down and Up Escalator While Wearing an Indian Costume and Holding a Red Balloon." What.

There are thousands of similar records out there. We've taken the liberty of compiling 16 world records so you can break them and make the original record holders feel like abject failures now that they're number two at Most Sexual Innuendos in A Potato-Themed Rap Song. How embarrassing.

KEEP MIAMI NEW TIMES FREE... Since we started Miami New Times, it has been defined as the free, independent voice of Miami, and we'd like to keep it that way. With local media under siege, it's more important than ever for us to rally support behind funding our local journalism. You can help by participating in our "I Support" program, allowing us to keep offering readers access to our incisive coverage of local news, food and culture with no paywalls.
Orlando Winters