How to Stage Your Own Death in Six Easy Steps With the If I Die Facebook App

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Step five: Die
Or, in our case, "die." When our trusty trustees, aka our similarly sick-minded colleagues in the office, had all accepted our requests, we let them know via email: "I'm dead. It's time to tell the world."

Dutifully, and with what we can only assume were real, salt tears streaming down their cheeks, they logged into If I Die to confirm.

The app's "deepest sympathy" is kinda canceled out by the fact that it just assumes the deceased is a dude -- especially since we've already given it access to our personal information on Facebook. It's not true that the deceased is male, but unfortunately, it's true that she is, in fact, deceased.

Though the app cares not for your gender, it does care about accurately reporting your death. Remember when you gave ifidie permission to email you? That's so it can let you know when one of your trustees reports your death -- just in case this is all one big joke. (Who would do such a thing?)

How sweet -- the trekkies who work for If I Die are concerned for our well-being.

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Ciara LaVelle is New Times' former arts and culture editor. She earned her BS in journalism at Boston University and moved to Florida in 2004. She joined New Times' staff in 2011.
Contact: Ciara LaVelle