Audio By Carbonatix
Remember Friday, when all the office drones of the country could talk about was Game of Thrones‘ new season, which was just days away? There were interviews with cast members. There were items for sale on Etsy. There were facial hair power rankings. Anticipation was high.
Then the first episode of season three aired last night, and … nothing much happened.
See also:
– Game of Thrones Beard Power Rankings: Judging the Hairiest Faces of Westeros
– The Studs of Game of Thrones Visit Miami to Announce Third Season (And Party)
Hey, we get it. After a nearly 10-month hiatus, Thrones writers were tasked with reminding viewers of what, exactly, was going on in its complex plot. We saw some plot advancement — Jon Snow meeting Mance Rayder, Daenerys considering buying an army of slaves — but most of last night’s episode featured people talking intensely to each other, as opposed to fighting with swords or having sex or setting each other on fire. We counted just one pair of naked breasts in the entire episode. One!
Hold tight, TV viewers; it may seem like the series has lost steam, but readers of the books know that shit’s about to get awesome. In the meantime, entertain yourself with these Thrones-inspired videos, which are vastly more entertaining than last night’s letdown.
George R.R. Martin meets Tenacious D. Game of Fucking Thrones, yeah.
God bless you, premium cable. Without you, Game of Thrones just wouldn’t be the gosh-darned same.
This ’90s-style opening credits sequence for Game of Thrones is perfection, from the fuzzy VHS effects to the song, “I Want It All” by Queen (obviously).
Saturday Night Live‘s explanation of Game of Thrones‘ nude scenes deserves a second watch, especially after last night’s not-so-sexy return.
“When your gold runs out, what the fuck you gonna do? Damn, it feels good to be a Lannister.”
Follow Ciara LaVelle on Twitter @ciaralavelle.
Follow Cultist on Facebook and Twitter @CultistMiami.
