The Jersey Shore is moving to Italy tonight. It reminds us that we were once stuck with them. We're proud of Miami for kicking them out, but apparently we're not quite rid of them as Mike "The Sitiuation" Sorrentino is being sued in the Magic City for not wearing his own clothing line.
It seems like just about every reality show has been down here at least once: The Real Housewives, Basketball Wives, The Real World, Kourtney and Khloé Take Miami... the sickening list goes on and on. No wonder everyone thinks Miami if full of rich bimbos (we have chongas too, you know!).
We've managed to escape the claws of a few though. They were hard to find, but here are the five reality shows we're happy haven't found their way to Miami yet.
5. Millionaire Matchmaker
Matchmaker is at the bottom of the list because it's secretly our guilty pleasure. It's hard not to love Patti Stanger's brash attitude toward the jerks. But she isn't the reason that we're crossing our fingers we never see the show being filmed -- we just can't stand the thought of the girls. Can you imagine the hoards of cheap-looking 20-somethings trying desperately to find a way onto the show? The only redeeming factor would be Stanger putting the South American millionaires in their place.
4. Little People, Big World
Nothing against them, but we just don't care. Kudos to TLC for raising awareness (and making themselves a pretty penny in turn), but it would be train wreck like no other. You just know that they'd feature a group of young, single, little people clubbing and hitting the beach. Because naturally, that's all anyone who lives in Miami does.
3. The Surreal Life
It's been off the air since 2006, but we know VH1 wouldn't hesitate to bring it back if they could get some Latin drama out of it. The show took about a half dozen has-beens each season and made them live with each other, which sparked the infamous incident in which Vanilla Ice tried to get Gary Coleman to say "Whatchu talkin' 'bout, Willis?"
Jose Canseco was already on the show (here's his number, ladies, in case you find him even more attractive now). We could see them trying to rope in the likes of Gloria Estefan and Jon Secada for the Miami version. Karaoke night at the mansion, anyone?
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2. 16 and Pregnant
It's a show that glorifies teen pregnancy, no matter what anyone else says. One of the ever-wise Taylor Swift's guilty pleasures, we cringe at the thought of how many high schoolers would try to get knocked up for the chance to be on the show. The image is almost funny -- a group of girls with black liners and gelled-down hair wearing tight tank tops that cover their pregnant stomachs. But in a city where major high schools have day cares, we could probably do without more expectant teenagers.
1. Toddlers and Tiaras
Please, Miami, we're begging you. Don't let Toddlers and Tiaras make it's way further south. We deal with a lot of insanity from you, but this would top the list. Toddlers is scarier than The Shining. A bunch of mothers live vicariously through their daughters, dressing them up and putting make up on them. It's sick, and already filmed in Florida.
If it somehow ends up here, there'll be a line of crazy plastic surgeons and beauticians offering their services. And if that happens, we're afraid we'll just have to move.