At last, our long nightmare is finally almost over. No, not President Cheeto's term — we're talking about summer, the seemingly endless season in South Florida when the heat and humidity seep into our bones and there's barely anything going on to distract us from the misery. Soon the relentless radiation of the sun will subside for a time, and the festivals will once again return to our fair city. Until then, here's stuff to do this weekend.
Croquetapalooza at Magic City Casino. Pittsburgh has pierogis, New York City has pizza, Chicago has hot dogs, and Miami has croquetas. If you were raised in the 305, you should be a connoisseur of those little fried logs of meat dough. To fulfill the duty of such a noble calling, head to Croquetapalooza to judge the croqueta competition. There's also a frita showdown, booze from local breweries, and cafecito to fuel your mission of discerning the best croqueta in the Magic City. With 15 restaurants competing, it will be no easy task, but we believe in you, Miami. 7 p.m. Friday, August 25, at Magic City Casino, 450 NW 37th Ave., Miami; 305-649-3000; croquetapalooza.com. Admission costs $40 in advance and $50 at the door.
J. Philip at Cash Only. If you think Miami is South Florida's only destination for world-class DJs, you are mistaken. J. Phlip, AKA Jessica Phillippe, is bringing her "acid booty-tech bass" creations to Fort Lauderdale. As part of Claude VonStroke's Dirtybird label and beyond, J. Phlip has released more than 30 projects. One of her mixes is titled "It's Like Bjork Meets Die Antwoord With a Bit of Classical." If that doesn't pique your interest, do you even like music? 9 p.m. Friday, August 25, at Cash Only, 15 W. Las Olas Blvd., Fort Lauderdale; 954-299-3295; cashonlybar.com. Tickets cost $13.30.
Summer Waves at H2 Studios. Hunger 4 $uccess Entertainment is organizing the all-ages Summer Waves party, featuring performances by local rappers Yung Simmie and Mareezy, alongside DJ Seizure. You can expect macho trap and the kind of even-paced, minimalist hip-hop in the vein of other South Florida artists. Food and drinks will fuel the party into the wee hours. 9 p.m. Friday, August 25, at H2 Studios, 5111 NW 159th St., Miami Lakes; 516-732-1110; facebook.com/H4SEntertainment. Tickets cost $15 to $45.
Lifehouse and Switchfoot at Bayfront Park Amphitheater. There was a time when baby-faced white boys with husky voices seemed to rule the airwaves, whether they wielded rebellious, sneering attitudes or softboi crooner vibes. Lifehouse's "Hanging by a Moment" is practically the epitome of the latter, while Switchfoot skirts the love songs for inspirational nice-guy fare. These bands share much more than names that combine two seemingly unrelated worlds, so if you're into the mellow rock of sensitive dudes with longing looks, bring an extra pair of panties to throw at the stage for this show. 7 p.m. Friday, August 25, at Bayfront Park Amphitheater, 301 Biscayne Blvd., Miami; 305-358-7550; bayfrontpark.amphitheatermiami.com. Tickets cost $14 to $173.
Mayweather vs. McGregor at E11even. E11even does everything big, so it's no surprise the club would go all out for the big Mayweather vs. McGregor bout. E11even will show the fight on multiple TVs, but most important, it will be broadcast on the club's massive 16-foot rooftop LED screen and a colossal 30-foot LED screen inside. Surround sound will be broadcast throughout the fight. UFC ring girl Arianny Celeste will host the party. 7 p.m. Saturday, August 26, at E11even, 29 NE 11th St., Miami; 305-829-2911; 11miami.com. Tickets cost $20 for women and $30 for men.
Mark Farina at Electric Pickle. To say Mark Farina is a veteran of electronic music is an almost comical understatement. With almost two dozen releases and appearances at every electronic festival you can think of, Farina has been bringing beats to the aurally adventuresome since the late '80s. See him at the Pickle, where you can bop along till the sun rises, which would be a short set for the house-meets-jazz-meets-psychedelics DJ. 10 p.m. Saturday, August 26, at Electric Pickle, 2826 N. Miami Ave., Miami; 305-456-5613; electricpicklemiami.com. Tickets cost $20.
Mira at Do Not Sit on the Furniture. What becomes of hipsters who wear tie-dye, dabble in raves, and take gender studies courses at college? They become actual hippies, who jaunt off to Burning Man, a weirdo fest in the Nevada desert that now attracts youthful tastemakers. It's no surprise then that musicians who will perform at that psychedelic fiesta are headed to Miami Beach's electronic enclave Do Not Sit on the Furniture for a series of shows. Up this week is Berlin's Mira, spinning minimalist house that's perfect for both a cool desert night and a dark, sweaty beach venue. 10 p.m. Saturday, August 26, at Do Not Sit on the Furniture, 423 16th St., Miami Beach; donotsitonthefurniture.com; 510-551-5067. Admission costs $10 to $20.
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Anklepants at TBC Autonomy. A brainy-looking mask with a penis-shaped snout adorns the head of Berlin-based artist and music-maker Anklepants. Perhaps Vice's Noisey blog said it best: "To be clear: this guy wears an animatronic dildo mask and his voice and music is controlled by sensors located in his suit?" That wasn't really a question. The guy behind Anklepants creates prosthetics and animatronics for big-time movies such as Star Wars: Episode 3 and Prometheus. Local experimental beatmaker Otto Von Schirach is bringing Anklepants to town for a show also featuring performances by Poorgrrrl, Gami, Trash, Viper & Piper, and Otto himself. Von Schirach has dubbed the event a "superweird dance-party session," which kind of goes without saying. 9 p.m. Saturday, August 26, at TBC Autonomy, 229 NE 65th St., Miami; ottovonschirach.com. Admission costs $5.
Social Distortion at Revolution Live. According to frontman and only remaining original member of Social Distortion Mike Ness, the band's upcoming album will be its best ever. That's saying a lot for a group that's been around since the mid-'80s and has written anthems of angst such as "Story of My Life" and "Ball and Chain." The bandmates will no doubt tease us with previews of their latest efforts during their tour, so get cozy at Revolution for a chance to reminisce and glimpse the future. 7 p.m. Saturday, August 26, at Revolution Live, 100 SW Third Ave., Fort Lauderdale; 954-449-1025; jointherevolution.net. Tickets cost $35 to $38.
Women in Improv Summit, Pt. Dos, at Just the Funny Improv Comedy. In the year 2017, plenty of men still earnestly argue that women can't be funny. But even in Donald Trump's male-dominated white supremacy, there's room for females and female-identifying improvisers to wet audiences' panties through laughter. Kat Kenny Improv and Just the Funny Improv Comedy are hosting the Women in Improv Summit, Pt. Dos, where improv actors at any level or from any background are welcome to build a community and explore their experiences to foster a more inclusive environment for funny femmes. 3 p.m. Sunday, August 27, at Just the Funny Improv Comedy, 3119 Coral Way, Miami; 305-693-8669; facebook.com/jtfcomedy. Admission is free.