Thursday, December 19
Every third Thursday of the month, Eleventh House takes over the downtown Miami dive bar Mama Tried to help connect locals with the city's thriving community of mystics. The queer astrological party welcomes the curious as well as the committed and gives everyone who checks in a complimentary astro name tag with their astrological sun, moon, and rising signs. Though admission is free, tarot and natal chart readings cost $5 to $25. Dance, drink, and don't forget to ask your mom for your time of birth. 7 p.m. Thursday at Mama Tried, 207 NE First St., Miami; 786- 803-8087; eleventhhouse.org. Admission is free.
It's been weeks, and you still haven't fully recovered from the onslaught of high-gloss events and activations surrounding Art Basel. On top of that, Christmas and Hanukkah are around the corner, meaning you'll be spending a lot more time than necessary with the family. You need a release; you need to be somewhere that isn't wholesome or wealthy. You need to go to Churchill's. Thankfully, Miami's favorite punk dive is set to host 305 Fest, a whole weekend of local acts curated by Miami's own, including Cheap Miami, Hardcore for Punx, and Death to the Sun. Thursday through Saturday at Churchill's Pub, 5501 NE Second Ave., Miami; 305-757-1807; churchillspub.com. Admission costs $5.
Look, it's The Nutcracker — Tchaikovsky, George Balanchine choreography, Sugarplum Fairies, the whole nine yards. It's the same every year, and that's the appeal. Miami City Ballet is putting on the celebrated Christmas spectacular at the Arsht Center, and it's an ostensibly cultured holiday activity that's kid-friendly. Who knows, after this performance, they might ask for ballet shoes or a violin instead of some stupid toy they saw on TV. 7 p.m. Thursday and Friday, 2 and 7 p.m. Saturday, and 1 and 6:30 p.m. Sunday at the Adrienne Arsht Center, 1300 Biscayne Blvd., Miami; 305-949-6722; arshtcenter.org. Tickets cost $30 to $89 via arshtcenter.org.
Friday, December 20
Sure, you could stay in and try to catch A Charlie Brown Christmas on basic cable. But wait — didn't you cut the cord this year? Rats! Luckily, the local jazz station WDNA will present this cherished holiday classic in a new way: with live musical accompaniment. The Derek Fairholm Trio will play Vince Guaraldi's classic cool-jazz score alongside a screening of the TV special; sounds like an extremely cozy way to learn the true meaning of Christmas. 8 p.m. Friday at WDNA FM, 2921 Coral Way, Coral Gables; 305-466-2178; wdna.org. Tickets cost $25 via eventbrite.com.
Nature Links for Lifelong Learning will bring holiday cheer at its Winter Gala and Fundraiser. The event will help the organization continue its vital work with young adults with intellectual disabilities by equipping them with the skills to lead fulfilling, productive lives through a nature and art-oriented curriculum. The night will also include a showcase of the students' artwork, which will be available for purchase, and proceeds from the sales will go toward Nature Link's 2020 programming. The event will also include presentations from students, community speakers, and musical performances by local bands Donzii and Spooky Fortune. Food and beverages will be provided, and there will also be a raffle offering prizes from Coconut Grove vendors. 6 to 9 p.m. Friday at Shake-A-Leg Miami, 2620 S. Bayshore Dr., Coconut Grove; 786-505-4657; naturelinks.net. Tickets cost $30 or more with a donation via eventbrite.com.
Saturday, December 21
The Black Market, your friendly neighborhood alt–flea market, will return for a special holiday edition this Saturday at Las Rosas. Peruse the various crafts, clothing, vintage vinyl, zines, and other wares for sale while listening to the sweet (or maybe not-so sweet) sounds of Vetnough, Yr Glow, Electric Supply Company, and Lipstick Alley Inc. Drag performers Yoko Oso and Opal Am Rah will also be in attendance, and Shelley Novak is ready to host. 9 p.m. at Las Rosas, 2898 NW Seventh Ave., Miami; lasrosasbar.com. Admission is free.
Miami record label and party Terrestrial Funk is collaborating with Open Space to bring Berlin-based DJ and Acting Press cofounder PLO Man to Miami. The show will take place at the Center for Subtropical Affairs, a lush ecological learning center and occasional benefactor of the arts. The lineup also includes DJ Ray and Brother Dan. No outside beverages will be allowed on the premises, but drinks will be available for purchase throughout the night. 8 p.m. Saturday at the Center for Subtropical Affairs, 7145 NW First Ct., Miami. Tickets cost $11 via terrestrialfunk.com and $20 at the door.
You may have been for a cruise on the bay before, but have you ever sailed along the lovely river from which our city gets its name? HistoryMiami will host a Moon Over Miami River Cruise for those interested in learning more about this vital artery. Sit back and relax while Paul George — a local historian even New Times consults from time to time — tells you about the city's inhabitants, going back to the Tequesta Native American tribe. Tickets also include admission to HistoryMiami Museum. 8 p.m. Saturday at Island Queen Cruises & Tours, 401 Biscayne Blvd., Miami; historymiami.org. Tickets cost $60 via historymiami.org.
Sunday, December 22
Get ready to ball so hard when the annual Y100 Jingle Ball delivers a who's who of pop music royalty this Sunday. The Jonas Brothers, Khalid, and French Montana are just a few of the artists slated to perform on the star-studded lineup. Besides boasting some of the biggest names in music from the past year, the holiday season's biggest music event promises special surprises as well. 7 p.m. Sunday at the BB&T Center, 1 Panther Pkwy., Sunrise; y100.iheart.com. Tickets cost $33 to $501 via ticketmaster.com.
Mi So Retro is Miami's monthly gathering for all things vintage. With a number of vendors offering collectibles and other wares from the year 2000 and earlier (yikes!), this month's edition at Gramps will include unique retro music, art, clothes, and gaming ephemera. Plus, the Mario Kart station will give guests a chance to throw back to Thursdays past while they sip the bar's signature drinks. Sell, trade, swap, and hang out at this nostalgic party. Noon to 5 p.m. Sunday at Gramps, 176 NW 24th St., Miami; @misoretro. Admission is free.
Monday, December 23
If you're looking for a Christmas experience for the whole family, head to the Gold Coast Railroad Museum for a magical toy workshop, seasonal storytelling, and costumed holiday characters at A Holly, Jolly Holiday Event. Take a ride on the North Pole Limited Train, and meet Mr. and Mrs. Claus. Immerse yourself in the magic of Christmas with holiday-themed scavenger hunts, reindeer games, music, food, prizes, and surprises. Don't forget to capture the magical memories in the photo area. 6 p.m. Monday at Gold Coast Railroad Museum, 12450 SW 152nd St., Miami; 305-253-0063; goldcoastrailroadmuseum.org. Tickets cost $30 via eventbrite.com.
The heat coming from the candles on a freshly lit Hanukkah menorah is one of the great joys of the holiday season. So is seeing Jimmy Butler hit a three at the Triple A. Thankfully, you can do both the same evening at the Miami Heat's Jewish Heritage Night. The team will celebrate its Jewish supporters with an on-court menorah lighting, early entry, kosher barbecue, and other fun. Celebrate the best holiday on the Jewish calendar while watching the sport most of the Chosen People are too short to play professionally. 7:30 p.m. Monday at AmericanAirlines Arena, 601 Biscayne Blvd., Miami; 305-504-8440; jewishheritagenight.com. Tickets cost $25 to $500 via jewishheritagenight.com.
Tuesday, December 24
This one is for those of us who keep striking out on Tinder and JDate. Every year, as the goyische masses retreat home for their strange tree holiday, the hottest Jewish guys and gals in South Florida descend upon LIV for Matzoball, which calls itself the "nation's leading Jewish singles event." It's also sponsored by a dating app called Swipe, so if this isn't the 21st-century equivalent of the matchmaker song from Fiddler, we don't know what is! There's gonna be more action here than your Birthright trip, and that's a guarantee! 10 p.m. Tuesday at LIV Nightclub, 4441 Collins Ave., Miami Beach; matzoball.org. Tickets cost $60 to $100 via eventbrite.com.
Looking to shake things up this Christmas Eve? Why not enter the world of fixed-gear bicycle racing? Head to Crandon Park for the Critmare Before Christmas, a winner-takes-all fixed-gear crit race organized by Fixed Mafia Miami. For those not well-versed in underground bike racing, a fixed-gear bicycle (or "fixie") is a bicycle that has a drivetrain with no freewheel mechanism. A criterium, or "crit," is a bike race consisting of several laps around a closed circuit. The theme of this Tuesday's race is a tongue-in-cheek take on The Nightmare Before Christmas, so channel your inner Jack Skellington and don't forget your helmet — they're compulsory if you want to take part. 7 p.m. Tuesday at Crandon Park, 6747 Crandon Blvd., Key Biscayne; @Miamifixedmafia. Admission costs $10 at the gate.
Wednesday, December 25
The Greta Gerwig-directed reimagining of Louisa May Alcott's Little Women is this season's latest Oscar contender. Despite taking many artistic liberties, the adaptation still follows the March sisters and their exploration of their individual identities as they enter womanhood around the time of the Civil War. With a high-caliber cast including Saoirse Ronan, Emma Watson, and Florence Pugh, as well as a star turn from Meryl Streep as Aunt March, this new twist on an old classic — in 35mm — is a must-see. 12:30 p.m. Wednesday and showtimes through January 2 at Coral Gables Art Cinema, 260 Aragon Ave., Coral Gables; 786-472-2249; gablescinema.com. Tickets cost $11.75.