The Ten Best Things to Do in Miami this Weekend

My, my. It’s been quite a week, y’all.

What with all this zombie talk and something about baths and salts or salty baths, it seems some lone man has captured the attention of the nation right in our own backyard.

We’ve got better news for you, though. It’s the damn weekend, y’all! Yes, it’s finally time to let go of all this mumbo jumbo talk of apocalyptic times to come. Hell, we’re all gonna die someday, so why make it all dramatic and cinematic? Anyone buy the rights to that story for a movie yet? Anyone?

While we wait for the Lifetime original movie, check out our list of the 10 best facemunching-free things to do this weekend.

Friday

• Greenraiser: Mama Earth is the only one who you can’t send to an old folks’ home. 
• Miami Rail Launch: We think this is Cultist’s third cousin twice removed… maybe.
• Cultura Profetica and Gondwana: No, we’re not speaking in terms of Pangaea and Laurasia. Where’s your Chilean reggae pride, son?
• City Theatre’s Summer Shorts: Hopefully there will be a booty shorts act.

Saturday

• Dance Your @$$ Off: Food, drink, philanthropy, and @$$es.
• Summer Jamz Concert and Car Show: Vroom vroom and a honk honk with a beep beep!
• Deaf Poets 7″ Release Party: We just figured out we went to high school with these chaps. Hey, guys, long time no see!

Sunday

• Small Membership: Guys, don’t worry. We’re providing rulers for this one (just for good measure).
• Bluegrass Jam: Well, don’t mind if we do!

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