Audio By Carbonatix
Short Dwarf is not the most politically correct talent agency on the planet. They represent “midget talent” — their words, not ours — for performance and party gigs nationally. They claim to be “your premier source for leprechauns, elves, oompa loompas, and many more short characters.”
Today is their busiest day of the year. In fact, an enthusiastic press agent tells Riptide: “We are slammed and going crazy! If we were Santa Claus, it would be our December 24. If we were H&R Block, it would be our April 15! If we were a flower shop, it would be our February 14!”
Reps are dolling out St. Patrick’s Day gigs in nearly every big city across the nation. If you are under four feet tall and you like being in the spotlight, there are bar events, festivals, and private parties to host.
Miami is the exception. And it has nothing to do with the fact that drunk Floridians don’t enjoy little people in costumes. Or that we have stronger morals when it comes to showbiz exploitation. The reason: Nobody cares about the holiday in a city where the Irish population is exactly .000000001.
A Short Dwarf spokesperson who wouldn’t give his name explained it’s not a Sunshine State thing. It’s just Miami. They have performers lined up for Jacksonville, Tampa, Tallahassee, and Orlando (places with white people).
If Boston and Philadelphia are the star players when it comes to this holiday, Miami is never leaving the bench.
Leprechaun update: Here is a St. Paddy’s Day party at LIV that doesn’t look half-bad.
