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Every Friday, Riptide brings you the most eye-catching mugshots taken the previous week (or thereabouts) in Miami-Dade County. Yes, there is some mockery of bad neck tattoos, but also adulation directed at perps who just plain look more badass than we ever will. This is the italicized intro to that series.
Arrested: 3/22
Charges: Cannabis Possession
There are stupid teenage mistakes like getting arrested for weed. Then there are stupid teenage mistakes like getting an occult symbol tattooed on your damn neck.
Arrested: 3/21
Charges: Burglary with Assault or Battery and Child Abuse with No Great Bodily Harm
Maybe you’ve noticed that Mugshots Friday has slowly turned into a tattoo and eyebrow review column, but given the realities of the criminal justice system, this is a tricky thing to pull off without coming off as completely tasteless. The thing is, eyebrows are a choice, no matter who you are, and we’re really not going to feel bad about pointing out that yours are whack no matter the circumstances.
Arrested: 3/26
Charges: Retail Theft and Cannabis Possession
Also a choice: neck beards.
Arrested: 3/25
Charges: Heroin Possession
You’re gonna spend all that money and endure all that pain for a giant top of the head tattoo and be too lazy to shave to let anyone see it?
Arrested: 3/25
Charges: Aggravated Assault on a Pregnant Victim
Put a bow on it!
Arrested: 3/21
Charges: Cocaine and Cannabis Possession with Intent to Sell
“Girl, I’m so high I can see like space and shit.” “Uh, boo, those are just those fake eyelashes you’re wearing.”
Arrested: 3/20
Charges: Money Laundering, Grand Theft and Organized Fraud
Oh, so that’s what happened to Ferguson from Clarissa Explain It All.
Arrested: 3/26
Charges: Domestic Violence and Battery
Is this like one of those picture hunt challenge where you’re supposed to find his chin?
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