Calendar for the week

february 12
David Copperfield: As tempted as we are to tear into David Copperfield, he denies us the pleasure by continuing to do it himself, over and over again. The oh-so-serious illusionist is now slicing himself in half with a laser beam. Don't, however, expect to see gallons of blood flowing; the stage and Dave's Hugo Boss remain corpuscle-free. Things could get messy later on when he struts through the spinning blades of a huge industrial fan, then brings out a contraption known as the Death Saw. Performances are at 6:00 and 9:00 tonight and tomorrow at the Jackie Gleason Theater of the Performing Arts (1700 Washington Ave., Miami Beach). Tickets range from $27.50 to $45. Call 673-7300. (NK)

february 13
Miami International Boat Show/Strictly Sail: Water, water everywhere and lots of boats to sink! Are you a mariner who recently had a little mishap with your vessel, rendering it less than seaworthy? You have six days to get over to the world's largest consumer boat show and shop for a suitable replacement. You're sure to find something among the more than 2000 exhibitors who show off the latest in electronic gadgets, marine accessories, and of course powerboats. If you prefer to cruise the high seas under sail, hop on a free shuttle bus that will take you to three different locations for Strictly Sail, an in-water and dockside display of boats and sailing products. The boat show takes over the Miami Beach Convention Center (1901 Convention Center Dr., Miami Beach) from 10:00 a.m. to 6:00 p.m. today; 10:00 a.m. to 10:00 p.m. tomorrow; 10:00 a.m. to 9:00 p.m. Sunday and Monday; noon to 9:00 p.m. Tuesday; and noon to 7:00 p.m. Wednesday. Strictly Sail takes place from 10:00 a.m. to 6:00 p.m. today through Wednesday at the Biscayne Bay Marriott Marina (1633 N. Bayshore Dr.), the Bayside Marketplace Miamarina (401 Biscayne Blvd.), and Watson Island (off the MacArthur Causeway). Tickets range from $3 to $20. Call 535-0560. (NK)

George Wallace: When he was six years old and dreaming of being a comedian like his idol Red Skelton, George Wallace had no idea he'd end up a writer, actor, and radio commentator as well. Twenty years ago Wallace was working as a commercial rag salesman, then as an advertising executive. After a few years of saving money, he decided to dive into show biz. He began doing stand-up comedy and was quickly hired as a writer for The Redd Foxx Show. He progressed to guest-star spots on television shows (Seinfeld, Fresh Prince of Bel Air), roles in feature films (Batman Forever, Punchline), and had his own short-lived sitcom (Tall Hopes). A man who finds humor in the mundane (his most popular routine is about the stupid things people say, such as calling a person's death "untimely"), Wallace is one of the hottest comedians around. He performs at the Improv (3390 Mary St., Coconut Grove) tonight at 8:30 and 10:45, and tomorrow at 7:45 and 10:00 p.m. and midnight. Tickets cost $25; a Valentine's Day package, including dinner and flowers, costs $75. Call 441-8200. (NK)

Keith Haring Retrospective: Simple symbols, vibrant imagery, and a downtown sensibility permeate Keith Haring's art. Inspired by graffiti painters in the early Eighties, Haring left an underground legacy -- literally: His trademark white chalk drawings of flying saucers, barking dogs, luminous babies, and jumping men were scattered all over New York City subway stations. By the mid-Eighties he was a bona fide art world sensation. Part pop artist and part neoexpressionist, he incorporated influences from hip-hop culture, the gay club scene, and punk music into his work, which made its way to high-profile galleries. In the late Eighties he went commercial, opening up the Pop Shop -- a retail store in lower Manhattan that sold his work on buttons, T-shirts, tote bags, and posters. Always socially conscious, Haring created countless public murals for children's charities, in support of literacy campaigns, and to promote AIDS awareness. He died of AIDS in 1990; this retrospective, organized by the Whitney Museum of Art, celebrates his life and art with video footage showing Haring at work, displays of materials that he made and collected in childhood, continuous music specially produced by DJ Junior Vasquez, and more than 100 of his works -- several rescued from the subway stations. The exhibition remains on view through April 19 at the Museum of Contemporary Art (770 NE 125th St., North Miami). Admission is four dollars. Call 893-6211. (NK)

David Copperfield: See Thursday.

february 14
Bob Marley Caribbean Festival: There couldn't be a better place than the Bob Marley Caribbean Festival to get it goin' rub-a-dub-style with your sweetie on Valentine's Day. This year the five-year-old festival moves from its original home, Bayfront Park Amphitheater, to the Miami-Dade County Youth Fairgrounds (10901 SW 24th St.). It will take a lot of talent to keep the vibe rolling for the fourteen-hour musical marathon; as usual, Ziggy Marley and the Melody Makers, along with the rest of the Marley family performers, will headline. This year's fest also features Carlos Santana, Rising Lion, Lauryn Hill of the Fugees, John Brown's Body, Millo Torres y El Tercer Planeta, local favorite Kevens from Le Coup, special guest Woody Harrelson, and plenty more. Gates open at 11:00 a.m. Admission is ten dollars and four cans of food. Call 665-5379. (LB)

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