Audio By Carbonatix
In the December issue of GQ magazine,
our hometown boy Pitbull is the only Miamian to make the list of the
“25
Least Influential People Alive.” Tim Pawlenty claimed the top spot and others on the list with less clout than the Cuban-American rapper include actress Gwenyth Patrow, deposed Egyptian dictator Hosni Musbarak, and country music right-winger Hank Williams Jr. List author and Deadspin contributor
Drew Magary writes: “Because who could be less influential than a
guy whose music sounds like the aborted offspring of Nelly and
Will.i.am?”
Well, tu no sabes nada chico! Not only is Pitbull a celebrity
endorsement king, he has single-handedly made wearing all
black really uncool, like sporting an Ed Hardy ensemble. Mr.
Worldwide is a trendsetter, amigo!
So we came up with five
more deserving Magic City denizens with less influence than a nickel bag of
Overtown schwag weed:
5. Enrique Inglesias
Famous for bagging a
washed-up Russian tennis sex symbol and the large mole he had removed
from his face. On the plus side, he’s got Pitbull as his touring duet
buddy.
4. Raul Martinez
Three years after
suffering a resounding defeat to the self-anointed next President of
Cuba, Lincoln Diaz-Balart, the one-time Mayor for Life of Hialeah got clobbered at the polls by Carlos Hernandez, a
guy more equipped to be Hialeah janitor than the city’s mayor.
3. Tony Sparano
Word is Miami Dolphins
owner Stephen Ross has already moved the head coach’s office to the
basement of Sun-Life Stadium, right next to Milton Waddams’ work
space, where they can concentrate on generating a lot of TPS reports.
2. Tomas Regalado
The Miami mayor who
voted against the Marlins stadium deal as a city commissioner in a
move that did absolutely nothing to stop the boondoggle from going
through. Recently woke up from one of his Rumpelstiltskin naps to
find out the city could be on the hook for as much as $2 million a
year in property taxes for the Marlins’ parking garages.
1. Wyclef Jean
Where to begin? He hasn’t
made a decent song since the Fugees disbanded. He couldn’t get on the
presidential ballot in Haiti. And he sucks at helping earthquake
victims in his homeland, at least according to a New York Post expose last week alleging he’d spent only a “pittance” of the $16 million his Yele foundation raised.
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