Marve Can Now Transfer to Florida’s Best Safety Schools

Former UM Hurricanes starting quarterback Robert Marve apparently thinks he is the next Tim Tebow, despite the fact he has never really shown that kind of talent on the field. Nonetheless, he would really like to at least have the option of transferring to the newly crowned champs in Gainsville. Sadly, like so many Florida high school seniors come acceptance-letter time, he found out the best he could do is on a campus in Tampa or Orlando.
To recap, coach Randy Shannon (who’s beginning to rival a Catholic nun in his disciplinary strictness) suspended Marve from two games this season for two rather trivial things, so the QB asked to transfer. Shannon was like, “Sure, its cool, transfer wherever you want, except anywhere in the ACC, SEC, Florida, or pretty much anywhere it would make sense for you to play.” Marve’s father Eugene announced he had cancer and would like his son somewhere close in Florida. The family appealed the decision yesterday, and now Marve can play for UCF or USF if he likes. 
UCF, hahahaha. USF started out strong this season, but it rivals UM’s current iteration for the ability to see a promising season go down he drain. 
— Kyle Munzenrieder