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Ladies and gentlemen, the president of the United States… Donald Trump.
“Hail to the Chief” begins blaring over the loudspeaker, and in walks President Trump with first lady and third wife Melania on his arm. Both wave stiffly at a crowd of supporters — rich, white, middle-aged men in knitted sweaters, khakis, and brown loafers — packed into a country club banquet hall.
This was Cultist’s recurring nightmare in 2011, when Trump was considering a run at the presidency. We prefer the Donald in weekly doses, hosting Celebrity Apprentice on NBC, not for a four-year stint at 1600 Pennsylvania Ave.
Luckily, 18 C-list celebrities are keeping Trump out of the White House and on network television beginning February 12. The real-estate mogul went on the Today Show this morning to introduce the latest batch of celebrity apprentices who’ll appear on the fifth installment of the show.
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Check out the complete list.
Clay Aiken
Former American Idol contestant and the sweetest guy in show business will likely sing his way into Trump’s good graces.
Michael Andretti
This former racecar driver and current team owner might be the sleeper pick of the pack, going hard to the season-finale finish line.
Teresa Giudice
Who? No, really — who?
Victoria Gotti
Fearing he might get whacked by one of Gotti’s Mafia friends, Trump is beefing up security. This mob queen better not get fired.
Lisa Lampanelli
Lampanelli is much too vulgar for the boardroom.
Dayna Mendoza
If Trump were to leave his wife during the season, it would be for Miss Universe 2008.
Dee Snyder
Did you know Dee Snider is a Republican? Maybe there’s a Trump-Snider 2016 ticket in the works.
Paul Teutul Sr.
This celebrity motorcycle builder holds the record for stretching 15 minutes of fame into several years.
Adam Carolla
We predict he gets bored and quits the show.
Arsenio Hall
Welcome back to television, Arsenio. Woo! Woo! Woo!
Lou Ferrigno
Wait, he’s still alive?
Penn Jillette
Teller makes at least one cameo this season, probably stuffed into Jillette’s briefcase.
George Takei
Oh, my.
Cheryl Tiegs
Uh, she’s really not a celebrity anymore.
Debbie Gibson
YES!
Tia Carrere
Wayne’s World! Party Time! Excellent!
Aubrey O’Day
When’s Danity Kane reuniting?
Patricia Velásquez
Expect a Venezuelan catfight between her and Mendoza.
Celebrity Apprentice premieres on February 12 on NBC.
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