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As 18 to 35-year olds with liberal arts degrees, low-paying gigs, and strong stomachs for celebrity train wrecks, we caught part of Dancing With the Stars earlier this week and realized the ABC reality competition show is way out of touch with our alt demographic.
Surely we’re not the only plaid-laden, horn-rimmed-glasses-wearing chubsters watching Dancing with the Stars. Plenty of alts kick it mainstream with grandma and grandpa on Monday nights. We judge D-listers’ foxtrots and watch Bruno Tonioli make washed-up celebrities feel totally awkward. Spending time with old folks is fun.
But damn, DWTS, we’d love to see at least one culturally relevant, hipster-friendly “star” on the show. Hell, we’ll even pitch a few names for y’all to consider. Check out our Dancing With the Stars Alt Celebrity Wish List after the jump.
Kermit and Miss Piggy
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We’re not sure DWTS allows frogs in the competition, but we’re pretty sure they’ll let a pig dance, right Kirstie Alley? Check out the video of Kermit and Miss Piggy dancing to a little Jigga Man in New Orleans, and see for yourself why both should be on next year’s show.
Predication: Kermit totally wins if he sticks to hip-hop.
Thom Yorke of Radiohead
Ever seen Thom Yorke dance? The dude’s got serious moves, and the greatest lazy eye in the history of birth defects. Just polish his moves a bit, and he’d be great for DWTS.
Prediction: Thom doesn’t go very far. His inability to smile turns America off. Plus he’s British.
Zooey DeschanelShe’s a bad actress, which meets DWTS requirements, and she’s married to an alt celeb (via Death Cab for Cutie) that’ll support her at every show as long as he’s not touring. Oh, and she dances a lot.
Prediction: Ben Gibbard performs live on DWTS as his wife dances the mambo with her partner.
Wilmer ValderramaHe’s Colombian and Venezuelan, dancing might as well be his middle name. Plus he doesn’t have a steady acting gig anymore, and it’d be dope to have someone represent HIPspanics. Prediction: He will survive. Elizabeth “Jesse Spano” BerkleyShe’s a great dancer. Ya’ll were one of the 13 people who saw Showgirls, right? As longs as DWTS doesn’t check for performance enhancing drugs, Zach Morris’ BFF would be beyond excited to join the cast.Prediction: She has a meltdown after everyone starts comparing her to AC Slater, her ex.Follow Cultist on Facebook and Twitter @CultistMiami.
