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The 2012 Academy Awards Nominations: Our Educated Guesses

In these very serious and not at all snarky Oscar nominations predictions, I wanted to begin by criticizing AMPAS for being conservative, self-serving and too politically correct, singling out members that double as nominees. I also wanted to discuss how demanding it is to watch an absurdly long and lackluster...
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Occupy Miami Ordered To Leave Government Center By Sundown UPDATE

Two days after Oakland police arrested hundreds of protesters in violent clashes, Occupy Miami activists are facing their own impending deadline: Miami-Dade County has ordered them to leave their campsite outside the Stephen P. Clark Government Center by sundown tonight or face arrest for trespassing.Organizers say they expect some Miami...
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Jason Taylor to Retire After This Sunday

Aside from that dark and confusing year he played for the Jets, Jason Taylor may be the most beloved Miami Dolphin since Dan Marino, but the 37-year-old is reportedly preparing to hang up his cleats for good after Sunday's game against those New York Jets. Taylor put in 15 years...
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George Espie: Whisky’s Master of Wood

George Espie is the Macallan master of wood, which means (A) he is a Scotch fanatic and (B) he probably gets picked on a lot during recess on the corporate playground. What his title really means is he is responsible for managing the Macallan "Wood Policy" and delivering all cask...
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Nicaragua Stays Left, Guatemala Goes Right in Central American Elections

A leftist former guerrilla retains his grip on power while an ex-general promising mano dura sweeps into office.Yesterday was election day in two Central American countries. In Nicaragua, early results show Hugo Chavez ally and current president Daniel Ortega easily winning re-election. Meanwhile, in Guatemala, ex-general Otto Perez Molina took...
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The Ten Most Embarrassing Wedding Proposal Fails

Many a celeb rang in the New Year by putting a ring on it and getting engaged. Aretha Franklin got a sparkler from longtime beau William 'Willie' Wilkerson, local b-baller LeBron James finally decided to make his longtime babymama an honest woman, Justin Timberlake vowed to stop cheating on Jessica...
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Fake Doctor Injected Cement and Fix-A-Flat Into Patient’s Butt

"Dr." Oneal Morris has a very literal solution for patients looking to add a little junk to their trunks. She injected a woman looking to add a little more oomph to her caboose with a solution made of cement, superglue, mineral oil, and Fix-A-Flat tire mender. Thirty-year-old Morris was arrested...
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Miami-Dade County Moves to Abolish Lost City of Islandia

There may not be an actual lost city of Atlantis, but there certainly is a lost (mostly underwater) city of Islandia.Incorporated as a city on a coral reef Island off the coast of southeast Miami-Dade in 1951, leaders hoped to one day turn the town into a resort destination, but...
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Ron Paul, President of Straw Polls, Wins Miami Straw Poll

If the American electorate was made up of straws, gold dealers, and that odd type of overly enthusiastic libertarian (who just happens to ignore the more socially progressive parts of being a true libertarian), Ron Paul would certainly be elected emperor for life. Of course, that's not how American Democracy...
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Liberty City Seven Denied A New Trial Despite Juror Shenanigans

Next time someone argues that justice is the end result after a trip through American courts, here's the only rebuttal you need: "Liberty City Seven." The informants were money-extorting, wife-beating lowlifes. Bush-era, terrorism-obsessed cronies hyped it. And after two straight juries deadlocked on whether seven poor dudes in Liberty City...