Valentine's Day sucks.
February 14 is a day fraught with terror for couples, who are forced to wear red, pay for supposedly romantic dinners, and toast to so-called love with overpriced bottles of champagne — even if they hate champagne.
If you're single, you can scour Instagram for photos of perfect-looking couples using hashtags like #blessed and #lovegoals or troll Tinder for a date. Or you can check out these cool options for singletons to celebrate in Miami. From drag shows to revenge food, here are the best ways for singles to celebrate Valentine's Day.
When you want to celebrate with your girl squad
Get your gals together and push the envelope with a pre-Valentine's celebration for Galentine's Day. Tigertail + Mary's Dinner in Drag, hosted by Karla Croqueta, lets you enjoy an evening filled with food, fun, and drag performers. Tonight, February 13, enjoy welcome bubbles and Aperol spritzes as well as all-you-can-eat buffet menu that includes a raw bar of oysters, clams, and ceviche; a hot station with whole roasted fish, grilled sirloin, and roasted assorted vegetables; and entertainment courtesy of drag performers and a DJ. Ring in Valentine's Day with a midnight snack of pigs in blankets and croquetas, of course. 7 p.m. to midnight Thursday, February 13, at Tigertail + Mary, 3321 Mary St., Coconut Grove; 305-722-5688. Tickets cost $69 at eventbrite.com.
Because your love life is a drag
If you plan on staying home with a bottle of cheap wine on Valentine's Day — don't! Spend it with a bunch of fabulous drag queens, instead. R House's V-Day drag dinner, hosted by Athena Dion, has everything you need to make your evening spectacular: sequins, lip-synching, delicious food, and bottomless cocktails. Family-style dinner costs $65 per person with a bottomless drink option for an additional $30. 7 p.m. Friday, February 14, at R House Wynwood, 2727 NW Second Ave., Miami; 305-576-0201; rhousewynwood.com.
When you'd rather stay home and eat your feelings
Who needs flowers when you can have a box of doughnuts? Mojo Donuts' Valentine's Day bouquet of nine elegant doughnuts come tucked inside a flower box with a red bow and a tag that reads, "Because you can't eat flowers" ($34.99). A box of three filled doughnuts that spell out "I Love U" costs $14.99. Share the treats with your bestie — or eat them all yourself while watching anything but Hallmark Channel. Order your box for Valentine's Day pickup at either Miami-Dade location of Mojo Donuts: 8870 Bird Rd., Miami; 305-223-6656, or 6601 SW 57th Ave., Coral Gables; 786-360-4540. Pickup can be arranged at the Wharf Miami or the Wharf Fort Lauderdale.
When you can't figure out what to do with those old photos
What do you do with those pictures of your ex? Don't throw them away — take them to Hooters. On Valentine's Day, let your Hooters waitress shred one of those photos for you. In return, you'll get ten boneless wings when you buy ten wings. Why boneless? Probably to match your spineless ex who sent that breakup text. The deal is valid February 14 only at all South Florida Hooters restaurants, excluding Bayside and Beach Place. Visit shredyourex.hooters.com for details.
When you just want to say f$%k this holiday
Taurus Beer & Whiskey House will host its annual F$%k Valentine's Day party, a chance to drink $10 cocktails until you forget why you're celebrating. Call an Uber to Taurus; then spend the evening drinking cocktails such as the Love Hurts, made with Illegal mezcal, lime, grapefruit, and habanero oleo, and the One Night Stand, which is a shot of Illegal mezcal with a domestic beer. When all else fails, Illegal mezcal shots cost $7. 3540 Main Hwy., Coconut Grove; 305-529-6523; taurusbeerandwhiskey.com.
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Because your dog is better than any human
If you prefer the wet, slobbery kisses of your favorite furry to those of humans, head to the Puppy Love Puppy Brunch with Remix the Dog. This Saturday, February 15, treat your favorite pooch to a special Valentine's Day-inspired brunch on Phuc Yea's patio. At 10:30 a.m., begin with a relaxing doga (dog yoga) session with your pup ($20 suggested donation to rescue partner Urgent Dogs of Miami), or simply enjoy brunch. There will be two seatings — at 11:30 a.m. and 1:30 p.m. — for you and Fluffy. The $45 brunch ticket includes a preset menu for humans and a doggie meal provided by Wynwood Dog Food for your four-legged friend; a welcome cocktail, courtesy of Cazadores tequila for you and a dog-friendly Bowser beer for your bestie; access to the restaurant's doggie park and unlimited trips to the Bone Bar, headed by a "bonetender" provided by Pup & Pantry; raffles for prizes, and a meet-and-greet with Remix the Dog. A bottomless drink option ($25 additional) includes mimosas, frozen palomas, bloody marys, micheladas, and other beverages. 10:30 a.m. to 1:30 p.m. Saturday, February 15, at Phuc Yea, 7100 Biscayne Blvd., Miami; 305-602-3710; phucyea.com. Tickets cost $45 at eventbrite.com.