Cocktails & Spirits

Satan's Whiskers, Brimstone Kiss, and More: Eight Drinks to Toast Armageddon

We've all seen the billboards - the end of the world is this Saturday (well, according to Harold Camping, a radio evangelist crazy person who's counting down the days until the end of time (watch the countdown here).

We were sure Camping was another crackpot, until the CDC issued an alert on what to do in case of a zombie apocalypse (basically the same as in any emergency - get blankets, water, flashlights, don't let a zombie bite you).

We don't plan on facing the end of time sober (and neither should you) so we've put together a list of Armageddon-appropriate cocktail recipes.

And remember...the best thing about the last day on earth is that you can drink all you want and not have to worry about a hangover. Cheers!

Death in the Afternoon

​Since the end of the world is supposed to be around 6 p.m. on Saturday, we thought this drink appropriate. Ernest Hemingway named this libation after his book on bullfighting. His suggestion? Drink 3-5 of these....slowly.

1 oz. absinthe
Fill glass with champagne

Go To Hell

Let's face it...if the Rapture does come, most of us are going to be left down here to hang out with Satan. We might as well toast our new home.

1 1/2 oz. tequila
1 tbs lemon juice
1 tbs lime juice
1 oz. cherry brandy

Satan's Whiskers

Brad Pitt, Johnny Depp and....Satan all sport a goatee. Someone even named a cocktail after the devil's facial hair -- can the other two say the same?

1/2 oz. gin
1/2 oz. dry vermouth
1/2 oz. sweet vermouth
1/2 oz. orange juice
Dash Grand Marnier

Judgment Day

This cocktail is made with 190 proof Everclear grain alcohol, 151 proof rum and Jagermeister. Let's put it this way...drink a few of these and you'll hope you don't wake up the next day.

1 oz. Jagermeister
1 oz. peppermint schnaps
1 oz. Kahlua
1/2 oz. Everclear alcohol
1/2 oz. Bacardi 151

​End of Days

This cocktail is totally written in code, based on the crazy numerology that every whacko under ;the sun is using to figure out that Saturday is the last day. Find the exact recipe here, or use our not-so-scientific calculations.

2 oz. lemoncello
1 oz. absinthe
2 oz. vodka
Crushed basil
2 oz. ginger syrup

Dark & Stormy

It's going to be dark when the sun burns out and according to the Bible we're in for some nasty natural disasters. Get out the umbrella and have a few of these to pass eternity with.

2 oz. dark rum
8 oz. ginger beer, poured over the rum

​Brimstone Kiss

When the end comes we're all going to be pelted with fire and brimstone and all kinds of other nasty crap falling out of the sky (frogs and locust anyone?). Perfect time to make out with a stranger.

2 oz. pepper vodka
1 oz. cinnamon schnapps
2 oz. Alize Red Passion


Even if the world doesn't end on Saturday you know flesh-eating animated corpses will take over the planet sooner or later. The only thing we can do is hole up in a shopping mall, load up on booze and ammo and go Rambo on those rotting, walking agents of hell when they show up.

1 oz. light rum
1 oz. dark rum
1/2 oz. creme de almond
1/2 oz. Triple Sec
Sweet and sour mix
1/2 oz. 151 proof rum floater

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Laine Doss is the food and spirits editor for Miami New Times. She has been featured on Cooking Channel's Eat Street and Food Network's Great Food Truck Race. She won an Alternative Weekly award for her feature about what it's like to wait tables.
Contact: Laine Doss