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Monster Energy's Java Monster Drink Reviews

Yesterday we exited the New Times building and saw a raised up Monster Energy truck pulling up. We figured it meant free drinks in our future so we stopped and asked what they had for us.

One of the broads handed me a couple of cans while the other took a picture. We got a can of Java Monster Mean Bean and Java Monster Russian. Here's what we think.

First Impression: Fuck, what is this horrible tasting shit?!

Flavor Profile: Tastes like someone melted a bootleg Jolly Rancher candy into a pot of week-old, bottom-shelf coffee.

Positives: Carries a monster energy buzz.

Final Thoughts: I would never buy this drink or even open it if I got it for free. They need to take this shwill back to the lab and reformulate it.

Next up:


First Impression: This shit's pretty damn good.

Flavor Profile: Vanilla roast flavored coffee with monster lab sugar.

Negatives:  Can not big enough to satisfy thirst.

Final Thoughts: I've bought this before, I would buy it again.

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Jacob Katel
Contact: Jacob Katel