It's August in Miami. Walk out of your apartment and be prepared to be instantly scorched by the glaring sub-tropical sun while at the same time the humidity feels like someone threw a warm, damp mop on your face. Sounds to me like you need to cool off.
Lucky for you, we've come up with the ten best cool cocktails in Miami to help you cool off -- plus one little bonus, just because we like you.
10. Boozy Frrrozen Hot Chocolate at Serendipity 3
What's better than a chocolate milkshake on a hot summer day? How about one laced with vodka and Kahlua, served with a floater of rum creme from the island of St. Lucia in an edible chocolate cup. If Willy Wonka was a Miamian, he'd be hanging out at Serendipity 3 ($14).
9. Frozen Pomegranate Margarita at Rosa Mexicano
frozen pomegranate Margarita ($14) makes you want to think pink. This blush colored beverage provides instant heat relief and the salt rim replenishes lost
8. Frozen Mojito at the Setai
Even the rich and famous get all hot and bothered under the SoBe sun. When they need to cool off, they opt for the frozen mojito at the Setai ($16). Fresh mint and lime are muddled with a bit of cane sugar and a lot of rum, then blended into a fine granita. Now you know why those celebrities are never seen breaking a sweat.
7. The Pink Elephant Nitrotini at Barton G.
Part restaurant, part floor show, leave it to Barton G. to have an entire list of frosty, showy, boozy nitro cocktails. Though we love all of them, we're going with the Pink Elephant Nitro-Tini ($17). This ruby red grapefruit cocktail is sweet, citrus-y and served with a little surprise - a ruby red vodka pop. Dessert and a drink all in one.
6. Frozen Momo Bellini at RA Sushi
What do you drink when you want something frozen at brunch? We want the Frozen Momo Bellini at RA Sushi ($8). Sparkling wine, Cruzan rum, yuzu, peach, and strawberry are frozen together to make a refreshing cold beverage. Suddenly you've been transported to some cafe on the Riviera and life is very good indeed.
5. Monkey Drinks at Whiskey Joe's
How does a hand-crafted strawberry margarita at Whiskey Joe's sound ($9)? Now add in a gorgeous view of Biscayne Bay, while cool trade winds caress you. Cue the reggae music, please. Think this is paradise? What if we say that you're sipping this delightful beverage out of a coconut monkey ($9.95 extra)? Because everything tastes better in a monkey. (Here's a tip: Go any day between 4 to 7 p.m. for $3 off your frozen cocktail).
4. Haven's Cryo CaViar
From the people who brought you nitro ice creams made at your table come cryo cocktails ($17). Though there are a few, we'll go for Haven's swank-a-licious CaViar, an arctic-like blend of Patron silver and pineapple, topped with blood orange caviar.
3. Anything at Fat Tuesday or Wet Willies
You know we had to include Fat Tuesday on our list. Look, for around $10 you can take your pick of one of about two dozen frozen neon-colored, grain-alcohol-infused frozen delights. Served in go cups or sports coolers, try to take a walk down the beach without seeing some drunk-ass co-eds in bikinis sipping a frozen rum runner/piña colada. For when it's 100 degrees out and you want to get crunk in flip flops there's no place better ... except for Wet Willies...
2. Mint Julep at Yardbird Southern Table & Bar
If you think it's hot in Miami, take a trip to the Deep South. We're talking Kentucky, Mississippi, or Louisiana. There's no trade wind, no ocean breeze and the only thing that lies between you and heat stroke is a cold, near-frozen mint julep ($12). At Yardbird, a traditional pewter chalice is filled with bourbon, fresh mint, a hint of sugar, and lots of shaved ice. The result is a boozy snow cone of a drink. It's refreshing, sophisticated, and simply elegant.
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1. Liquid Nitrogen Caipirinha at The Bazaar by Jose Andres
Made tableside, The Bazaar's boozy slushy is a refreshing and extremely potent blend of cachaca, lime, and mint flash frozen in a wildly entertaining show. Here's the best part -- at $5, this has to be the best deal in town for something so refreshingly wonderful.
Bonus: Paulina's Pops
We had to put in this bonus addition, since (technically) our chemistry teacher would kill us if he heard we called these pops a liquid ... unless they melted, but that's a different story.
These little popsicles are hand made with fresh fruit and booze in flavors like strawberry margarita, coconut rum, cucumber lime-and-gin, and pineapple-Mezcal. They're around $3 to 4 each and available at Soho Beach House, My Ceviche, Tinta y Cafe, and are coming soon to The Federal. Having a pool party? Paulina will bring the pops to you. Contact her via Facebook for details.