Food News

Florida Inmates Consume Honey Buns at a Rate of 270,000 Per Month

There may be a new way to deter crime. Apparently honey buns (yes, those gooey, sticky, doughy sponges covered in cellophane) are more popular with Florida prisoners than cigarettes and Coca-Cola.

Florida inmates buy about 270,000 honey buns per month. Fights have broken out and jailhouse murders have occurred as the result of someone taking a bite out of someone else's bun, according to a recent story in the St. Petersburg Times. This leads us to believe that those predisposed towards criminal behavior are somehow irrationally enamored of this sweet treat and willing to go to any length to get one.

Which leads us to further suppose that these majestic sugar cakes can be used for good instead of evil. It is not a huge leap of imagination to theorize that when in the process of being mugged, raped, carjacked, or murdered, one can simply heave a honey bun at the offender and cause them to cease and desist (at least until they are done gobbling up the instant sugar rush -- after that, watch out!). Honey Buns are already used as currency in our prison system, as well as serving as impromptu birthday cakes, sweeteners of illegal jailhouse wine, and even -- a last meal.

Other than these homie honies, prisoners' daily meals are made up of a sodium and fat restricted diet weighing in at 2,750 calories and ringing up at $1.76 per day. All things considered, it is not surprising to find out that these honey buns are valued as if they had Benjamin Franklin's face carved into them. Which gives us a great marketing idea....

Anyone got the number to Flower Foods?

Follow Short Order on Facebook and Twitter @Short_Order.

KEEP MIAMI NEW TIMES FREE... Since we started Miami New Times, it has been defined as the free, independent voice of Miami, and we'd like to keep it that way. With local media under siege, it's more important than ever for us to rally support behind funding our local journalism. You can help by participating in our "I Support" program, allowing us to keep offering readers access to our incisive coverage of local news, food and culture with no paywalls.
Ily Goyanes
Contact: Ily Goyanes