4

Florida Inmates Consume Honey Buns at a Rate of 270,000 Per Month

^
Keep New Times Free
I Support
  • Local
  • Community
  • Journalism
  • logo

Support the independent voice of Miami and help keep the future of New Times free.

There may be a new way to deter crime. Apparently honey buns (yes, those gooey, sticky, doughy sponges covered in cellophane) are more popular with Florida prisoners than cigarettes and Coca-Cola.

Florida inmates buy about 270,000 honey buns per month. Fights have broken out and jailhouse murders have occurred as the result of someone taking a bite out of someone else's bun, according to a recent story in the St. Petersburg Times. This leads us to believe that those predisposed towards criminal behavior are somehow irrationally enamored of this sweet treat and willing to go to any length to get one.

Which leads us to further suppose that these majestic sugar cakes can be used for good instead of evil. It is not a huge leap of imagination to theorize that when in the process of being mugged, raped, carjacked, or murdered, one can simply heave a honey bun at the offender and cause them to cease and desist (at least until they are done gobbling up the instant sugar rush -- after that, watch out!). Honey Buns are already used as currency in our prison system, as well as serving as impromptu birthday cakes, sweeteners of illegal jailhouse wine, and even -- a last meal.

Other than these homie honies, prisoners' daily meals are made up of a sodium and fat restricted diet weighing in at 2,750 calories and ringing up at $1.76 per day. All things considered, it is not surprising to find out that these honey buns are valued as if they had Benjamin Franklin's face carved into them. Which gives us a great marketing idea....

Anyone got the number to Flower Foods?

Follow Short Order on Facebook and Twitter @Short_Order.

Keep Miami New Times Free... Since we started Miami New Times, it has been defined as the free, independent voice of Miami, and we would like to keep it that way. Offering our readers free access to incisive coverage of local news, food and culture. Producing stories on everything from political scandals to the hottest new bands, with gutsy reporting, stylish writing, and staffers who've won everything from the Society of Professional Journalists' Sigma Delta Chi feature-writing award to the Casey Medal for Meritorious Journalism. But with local journalism's existence under siege and advertising revenue setbacks having a larger impact, it is important now more than ever for us to rally support behind funding our local journalism. You can help by participating in our "I Support" membership program, allowing us to keep covering Miami with no paywalls.

We use cookies to collect and analyze information on site performance and usage, and to enhance and customize content and advertisements. By clicking 'X' or continuing to use the site, you agree to allow cookies to be placed. To find out more, visit our cookies policy and our privacy policy.

 

Join the New Times community and help support independent local journalism in Miami.

 

Join the New Times community and help support independent local journalism in Miami.