Thankfully, 2017 is just around the corner. That being said, it's time to say good riddance to 2016 with a blowout party. Miami has many options. You can party with Pitbull or spend the evening with Justin Bieber, with tickets starting at $500, including an open bar.
If you'd like to ring in 2017 without a pop star in attendance, consider the Faena Hotel Miami Beach's offer: A New Year's Like No Other. This weekend getaway comes with dinners, champagne, an oceanfront suite, and a hefty price tag. The starting rate for the package is a jaw-dropping $322,100.
This five-night package for up to eight people includes accommodations in the property's six-bedroom, 14,000-square-foot suite complete with a private media room, nine bathrooms (one for each guests plus an extra for good measure), and a collection of curated art.
During the weekend, you'll be treated to a daily American breakfast, access to all hotel amenities, and a dedicated Faena butler.
On New Year's Eve, you'll have a predinner cocktail reception at your penthouse before heading to your private table for dinner at either Pao or Los Fuegos before enjoying the party at the Faena Theater.
You can nurse your hangover at the spa with a $500 credit per person and then lounge by the pool with your three bottles of limited-edition 1998 Dom Pérignon P2.
The package also includes a private four-course wine pairing dinner in your suite, a private dinner at Los Fuegos, and a private dinner at Pao. American breakfast daily is also provided.
If you're thinking valet parking isn't included, don't worry: Transportation via Mercedes-Benz is provided.
To put this into perspective, a Miami-Dade schoolteacher would have to work about seven years to afford this luxe staycation. Three hundred grand, by the way, could also buy you a sweet little condo on South Beach. Or you could purchase a Maybach and have plenty of coin left over.
But, hey! If you're Hassan Whiteside, who signed a four-year, $98 million deal in the offseason, why not treat your friends to something nice on New Year's Eve?
With the way the world is going, this might be the last new year's party ever, so why not go out like a baller? Email firstname.lastname@example.org for booking and more information.