Crackerman sells each loaf of bread for $5. I bought one for sampling purposes, ripped open its double plastic contraints, and tore off a piece to take a bite. I was about to chomp into it when Crackerman dove between me and the bread like a president's secret service detail ready to take a bullet to avert disaster.

"No! Not like that. When you wake up do you go right into your girlfriend?"
"Yeah."
"Just like that? You don't kiss her first?"
"Oh yeah. That too. But this is bread, if it's not good raw, then it's not good."
"You have to treat the food right. Here, put some butter on it, tell it you love it, it's the only way."

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