Photo by Alan Light/Flickr
Audio By Carbonatix
One of my guy friends called me recently to vent about a pop culture phenomenon that was landing a little too close to home — the rise of the performative male. Several female acquaintances, my friend said, had been taunting him with memes and news stories from places like the New York Times that seemed to describe him with scary accuracy. The term “performative male” refers to men who purposely exhibit qualities that read as safe or sophisticated — like reading feminist literature and drinking iced matcha lattes — in the hopes of meeting women.
I’d heard of the label and, before the conversation with my friend, thought it was funny in the same way most of-the-moment discourse typically is — it reminds us we are living through a shared moment in time and provides a laugh, which can’t hurt these days. In the same way Tiger King brought us together in 2020, or the way the “Roman Empire” conversation dominated 2023, right now, the flavor of the week is to talk about guys who hang Labubus from their tote bags.
But my guy friend wasn’t as amused. “The ‘joke’ is,” he said, “with my reading in public, my tote bag, my guitar, and my collection of vinyl, it seems I am almost the ideal of a performative male. Real funny! It just so happens that I like doing these things. But now, when I am seen engaging in activities I enjoy, I am unfairly assumed to be a ‘poser.’”
His outrage, my friend admitted, was also largely performative, but he still made a good point. Guys who genuinely enjoy pastimes perceived as soft or feminine are being called out, and perhaps we should give them a break. We can’t exactly peer into a man’s soul when he’s chanting “om” at the beginning of yoga class. Even if his intent is to show off a little, at least he’s trying to be relatable. In a red-pilled world, this ranks low on the list of concerns. At least these dudes aren’t suggesting we repeal the 19th Amendment. (And yes, there is a fringe segment of dudes suggesting we eliminate a woman’s right to vote.)
Hopefully, the guy sitting next to you at the coffee shop, sipping a pumpkin spice latte and reading The Feminine Mystique, isn’t solely trying to trick you into bed (there are bad actors everywhere, of course). So, can we still make fun of performative males? Of course — but only if they are truly trying too hard (like me in my teen years, when I bleached my hair, dyed the bangs black, and tried to blend in at Churchill’s). Authenticity is always preferable, but a little bit of an act shouldn’t automatically signal bad intent.
Ladies, if you’re looking for an ally (or someone cosplaying as one), here’s where you’ll find your dream performative male around Miami.
Silent Book Club at Books & Books Coral Gables
265 Aragon Ave., Coral Gables
305-442-4408
booksandbooks.com
This is the ideal setting for a performative male to be seen: a room full of strangers, nose in a book, tote bag on the floor, latte in hand. He wishes he could say, “This is my favorite female author,” but talking isn’t allowed.
Sipping an Iced Matcha Latte at Emissary Cafe
3308 Mary St., Miami
emissarycafe.com
The Coconut Grove establishment serves high-quality coffees and teas in tastefully sized glasses (no cartoonishly large caffeine jugs here), making this a place for guys who know how to slow down, savor, and reflect. Maybe he’ll be down to share a flaky croissant and discuss the current geopolitical landscape with you.
Buying Labubus at Impossible Kicks
11401 NW 12th St., Store 470, Miami
786-770-3813
impossiblekicks.com
He thinks they are kind of cute and ironic; that’s all. Yes, he has a collection of the hard-to-find monster dolls, but he’s not full “Beanie Baby circa 1997” obsessed about it. They look great on his independent bookstore tote bag.
Picking up Trash in the Mangroves
Various locations
Just kidding; that’s just local writer and climate activist, Andrew Otazo. So far this year, he’s collected more than 35,000 pounds of waste in the mangroves. No matter how performative it might look, we should all be more like Andrew.
Power Classes at Mimi Yoga
278 NW 27th St., Miami
305-456-8686
2829 Bird Ave. #1, Miami
954-790-3807
mimiyoga.com
There’s a no-filming policy, so he’s just here for the enlightenment (or so it seems). Does his perfect handstand feel like peacocking? That’s for you to judge.
