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Dating in Miami is a special kind of beast. Locals can be quick to lament what they consider a lackluster dating pool on social media, Reddit, and sometimes, just to anyone who will listen. Despite this, a WalletHub study recently ranked Miami among the best cities in the country for singles, leaving many New Times readers saying, “huh?” The survey cited metrics such as the concentration of singles and opportunities for online dating to justify its ranking. So, who’s telling the truth?
We asked our social media followers for their take with an open call on our accounts. “Give us the good, the bad, the ugly,” we said, looking for a balance of answers and, hopefully, a glimmer of hope for all the lonely hearts out there. What we received, though, was starkly one-sided. In a mix of Instagram comments, DMs, and emails, people didn’t hold back. Here’s some of what they had to say:
Sugar Dating Was an Unsurprising Theme
One exhausted commenter pointed out that, since moving to town, seven out of nine dates have asked him for rent money.
“Maybe you should stop meeting girls at E11even,” another user responded. The original poster countered that he met the two who didn’t ask for money at that very establishment.
Another reader lamented being asked for luxury goods: “First date came to dinner and asked why I hadn’t bought her a handbag.”
Others Shared Distinctively “Only in Miami” Stories
One poor woman was a victim of someone’s fragile masculinity. “Went to The Sylvester for happy hour. Beat him at pool three times in a row, and he got SO butthurt.”
Another wished her date had given her a little more information before they met in person: “Met for a drink. He didn’t order one. Then we got into his car, and he had to blow into a breathalyzer.”
This one gave us a jump scare: “Took me to Prime 112 and said he wanted me to have his babies — using a baby voice.”
Still, not everyone had such generous dates. One user recalled, “I was seeing a guy years ago, and he took me to Chili’s on my birthday and used a coupon.” (We find this acceptable if he ordered the Chili’s Molten Chocolate Cake with a candle inside.)
Another challenge for Miami singles? Sharing how many birthdays they’ve had in total. We know not everyone aims to age gracefully here, but one reader told us, “Generally, the lying [about] ages IS ROUGH. I’ve truly met up with some grandpas, and it’s scary.”
Perhaps the wildest tale we heard? The one about being “catfished by a butt model with no teeth.”
“Just Don’t” Was Another Common Sentiment
With stories like those, it’s no wonder some locals have opted out entirely.
One Instagrammer wrote, “Fresh out of a breakup, I wanna burn it all down,” while a bilingual reader told us, “Dating in Miami es de pinga.”
Another commenter was truly going through it. “It’s terrible. I’m banned from the Museum of Sex cause my ex was fucking all the staff, and I can’t go to punk shows cause I realized I attract street punks. I saw three exes in one show.”
Yet another reader summed dating in Miami simply as “a scam.”
Some Expressed Disbelief That Dating Exists Here at All
“You guys are getting dates?” wrote one baffled respondent.
Another echoed the sentiment: “I haven’t [dated]. That’s the story.”
Others sympathized, saying, “You’re not missing anything,” and “You’re best off that way, truly. You’ve eliminated the unnecessary drama and chaos.”
One fed-up woman added, “Horrible. I could write a book.” (We hope she does.)
Proactive Commenters Shared Helpful Advice
An all-hours dance spot might not be your cup of tea, but one reader made a fair point. “Bro. Club Space. Everyone there [is] actually cool, down to earth, and fun. Such an awesome community.”
Another seemed to blame the manosphere for other guys’ poor dating outcomes. “I actually don’t hate women. And for some reason, they actually like that about me. Weird, right?” (This person is on to something.)
Silver Linings…?
The people have spoken. Still, there are local organizations, such as We Met in Miami and Thursday Miami, that host local events to bring people together to combat loneliness. If all else fails, you can drown your sorrows at one of these fine establishments.
Pillow Talk to us. Does this story hit a nerve? Let us know why at pillowtalk@miaminewtimes.com and stay tuned for part 2.
