Audio By Carbonatix
It’s time to announce the results of my “Nickname the Mayor” contest. As you’ll recall I thought Miami Mayor Crazy Joe Carollo needed a new handle following his efforts to prevent the band Los Van Van from playing in the city. Among some of the entries: Clueless Joe Carollo, Joe “Almost as Crazy as Xavier” Carollo, Mayor Controllo, and Yo-Yo Joe. I liked that last one a great deal not only because it conveyed the up-and-down nature of the mayor’s political fortunes, but it also gave hizzoner a hip-hop feel, which might garner him desperately needed street credibility in the black community. But in the end I thought the most creative entry came from a couple of people who not only penned a fitting sobriquet, but also managed to capture in verse the essence of Miami’s mayor:
“Boxer Joe” Carollo
By Dan Raz and Ariel Matson
Glowering under heavy brow
Waiting, watchful now.
Weaving right, bobbing low
Our Mayor “Boxer Joe.”
Political street fighter
Rough, tough hitter, enemy smiter
Expert at the verbal low blow,
Our Mayor “Boxer Joe.”
On his toes for slights and slurs,
“Did he say that?” The insult blurs. Ever ready to vanquish the foe,
Our Mayor “Boxer Joe.”
Follows hunches with roundhouse punches
Feigning, jabbing body crunches,
El pugilista, Miami’s show,
Our Mayor “Boxer Joe.”
For their winning efforts, Dan and Ariel will receive two tickets to Saturday’s Los Van Van concert at the Miami Arena. The runner-up prize, a copy of the current Los Van Van CD, will be awarded to Rodney Pahl for his entry, Jingo Joe Carollo, and the screed Pahl submitted in support of it. Here’s a sample:
“Who does Joe Carollo think he is? He thinks he is the President and Commander in Chief of the City of Miami. He thinks he is the Minister of Music and Culture, proclaiming who may or may not excite the people with their Afro-Cuban rhythms. He thinks he is Joe McCarthy, acting like a rabid mongoose hunting those communist snakes. Why is he mayor? Because the other choice was the Most Dangerous Man in Politics, Xavier Suarez. The sovereign nation of Miami will have no music and no communist snakes infiltrating our society through salsa while Joe Carollo is here to defend us with his nifty phrases sniping at Castro and his trumpeters from the safety of City Hall.”
